Memory of a Lost Paradise
by D. M. Evans
Summary: Buffy returns to LA with Connor, determined to bring Angel back into the family
1. Arrival

MEMORY OF A LOST PARADISE

By D.M. Evans

Disclaimer - The only one I own is Sorcha. All else belongs firmly in the hands of Mr. Whedon.

Rating - R for violence

Pairing - Buffy/Angel, Spike/Cordy, mentions Dawn/Connor, Willow/Xander

Spoilers - Set almost 5 years after Chosen, no actual spoilers for Angel S5

Feedback - Oh yes please, make my day.

Summary - Buffy is determined to bring Angel back into the family.

Author's Note # 1 Sequel to Walk a Mile With Sorrow - It makes more sense if you read that first

Author's Note #2 - This is an AR. Cordelia didn't die but all memories after her return from Pylea are gone. Buffy and her friends have rebuilt the Watcher's Council in London. Fred did become Illyria and died. Wes has started up a branch of the Council in L.A. Lindsey went to hell and returned and Eve still works for Wolfram and Hart.

Author's Note #3 - Thanks to Leni and Chris for editing this monster and thanks to Esmerelda for turning me onto a British kiddie show, _The Tweenies_

Author's Note #4 - This is a birthday prezzie for SJ Smith who's also editing this for the final version. Enjoy.

_He's haunted by the memory of a lost paradise  
In his youth or a dream he can't be precise  
He's chained forever to a world that's departed  
It's not enough it's not enough_

_Sorrow - Pink Floyd_

CHAPTER ONE__

Buffy didn't like big magic. It always had bad ripples. Willow and Giles assured her it took a lot of energy for this spell but it was safe, not so much a big magic as just complicated. Buffy liked her alternatives less, hours upon hours trapped on a plane from London to L.A. so she let Willow teleport their group to the City of Angels. Now if she only knew if she were ready to confront one Angel in particular.

The teleportation spell, requiring one of the covens that worked with the Watchers Council in London, had left her disorientated, setting off blips of memory, one by one, as if plucked from the ether she had just recorporealized from and arranged for her in a Viewmaster Reel

Blip, memory one sparked by the shock at seeing a brief glimpse of white-haired Willow, the one Kennedy used to call 'her goddess' until one of the witches took exception to the perceived insult to her religion. 

Blip, memory two: Kennedy boarding the plane to Canada, working on a Hellmouth up in the permafrost. Willow hadn't been too traumatized at the growing apart of lovers. Buffy hated feeling grateful to see her go but she had never forgiven Kennedy for the mutiny. 

Blip, memory three: Willow, more comfortable with her bi-sexuality, kissing her original love, Xander and he kissing her back. It was true; you never forgot your first love or at least, it was that way for Buffy.

Beside her, Connor gave out a low groan beside her, dragging her out of the memory reel. She looked at him. He rubbed his head like he had a migraine. He looked too young to have eyes older than pyramids. She worried about him, had been worrying for three years now, ever since he had come to London with her and her friends.

"You okay, Connor?" She put her free hand on his bony shoulder, as she shifted her burden against her hip with the other.

"That felt like knives in my brain."

"Tell me about it," Willow groaned.

"Aunt Buffy, my tummy hurts."

Buffy hiked up the three year old she held on her hip, smiling as she looked into the bright blue eyes of her niece. She ruffled Sorcha's long, soft, light brown curls. "Aunt Willow said it'll be okay real fast. If not you tell me, sweetie."

"Okay." Sorcha tucked her cheek against Buffy's shoulder.

Uncomfortable, Buffy's eyes flicked towards Connor. He fought hard not to show his pain at not being the one Sorcha turned to. It hurt Buffy's heart. Connor was the reasons they were all back in L.A. The last three years had been devastating for everyone, particularly Connor.

Buffy stared at the large Queen Anne-styled home that was the centerpiece of the L.A. Watchers' complex where Wes headed the division. Wes and Angel left Wolfram and Hart when Fred died, after Illyria was vanquished. Angel had already wanted out after the spell with Connor had gone awry and his son's mind had come back to itself. What happened to Fred had been the last straw. Gunn and Lorne stayed with the law firm, an uneasy truce between them and the Watchers. 

Standing in front of Wes and Angel's home kicked off the memories again. Buffy wondered if her companions had been effected by the spell the same way since no one was moving.

Blip, memory four: Spike pairing up with Angel and Wes, turning into something just shy of being a full blown Watcher. He occasionally seemed embarrassed to be a vampire on the side of good.

Blip, memory five: Spike moving in with Cordy. He had a penchant for finding domineering women. Buffy knew from experience he liked that and it seemed to be working for them.

Blip, memory six: She remembered the last time she had spent in L.A., nearly five years past, back when Connor first remembered who he was after the spell had been broken by the big bad magic from that battle she and Willow had been involved in. They had been in Wales when the battle's side effects had undone spells all over the world. Dawn had been asked to help Connor learn to be a regular teen and it turned into a fateful flirtation, the deep headlong rush into love. One night of failed birth control had left Dawn a scared seventeen year old with a baby growing inside her.

Blip, memory seven: Feeling her fury again over when Giles brought Dawn to London to tell her. Given what happened with Connor's first child, Buffy had wanted Dawn to have an abortion. Dawn had considered it long and hard but finally decided their mother would have been disappointed if she did. Dawn knew her extended family would help raise her child and in the face of such stubbornness Buffy had relented.

Blip, memory eight: Taking Dawn to London to help set up the new Watchers' Council. Dawn agreed eagerly. She a wanted to be a Watcher and study magic. Buffy gave, knowing Giles and Willow would back Dawn up. Connor joined them, still unable to forgive his father for tampering with his memories, no matter the good intentions Angel had. Connor seemed to deal better with Angel at a distance. With a whole continent and an ocean between them, they emailed daily rebuilding a relationship that didn't involve screaming and flying fists.

Blip, memory nine: Her shock at how attentive Connor was to Dawn. He could be a pain in the ass to everyone else on occasion but he was at Dawn's beck and call. Most teenaged boys would have run off, scared to death to be an expectant father. Connor fell into the role as if his life depended on it. Buffy knew Dawn would have someone standing beside her the whole way and that had been a comfort.

Blip, memory ten: fast forward six months when Buffy came back from a job in Iceland - who knew demons would be in the hot springs in Reykjavik - to learn Dawn had a condition called partial placenta previa. The placenta was covering her cervix, life-threatening to her and her unborn daughter. They put her on bed rest in the Watcher's Infirmary waiting until the fetus was old enough to be taken by C-section. Buffy had been proud of Dawn who refused to have a partial birth abortion in order to be assured she, herself, wouldn't die. They monitored the baby for congenital anomalies, which could happen in previa but the baby looked fine. They wouldn't know if she suffered any brain damage from having a partially pinched off placenta until after her birth.

Blip, memory eleven: Connor doting on Dawn in the hospital every day for nearly three months. She told Angel daily in emails how proud he could be of his son. 

Blip, memory twelve: She, Faith and Kennedy needing Connor to help battle back the latest big bad. Too late they learned it was a diversion for a group of mages led by Ethan, who wanted something from inside the Watcher's Complex, something that Wolfram and Hart wanted and had contracted Ethan to get. 

Blip, memory thirteen: Pulling Giles from the rubble of the Watchers' library, his ribs, hip and leg fractured, almost watching him die, watching him limp as he would until the day he died. Seeing Robin in that same rubble, his head dashed open, seeing Faith's heart breaking. Being told at the hospital that Dawn had been taken hostage to insure the Slayers wouldn't attack Ethan and his cronies as they fled.

Blip, memory fourteen: Imagining the horror Dawn lived through on the run with those bastards. Imagining Dawn pleading for her life and the life of her unborn child. In her heart, Buffy could hear Dawn telling Ethan that her baby would die if it came naturally, begging to be dropped at the nearest hospital, promising no one would stop him. Buffy dreamed it at least once a week.

Blip, memory fifteen: Hating Ethan more than she had ever hated anything before because he didn't let Dawn go, not until he was safely away. He called the Council and told them where to find her. 

Blip, memory sixteen: She, Willow and Connor finding Dawn and taking her to the hospital, seeing no fear in Dawn's eyes as if Connor had gobbled that emotion up, hoarding it inside him as his trembling hand cupped Dawn's.

Blip, memory seventeen: Standing there helplessly in blue paper footies, her hair caught up under a blue paper hat, holding Dawn's hand as the doctor and his team were powerless to stop the natural birth that had started long before Ethan made his call. The baby ripped through the placenta, coming into the world kicking and screaming. The doctor's told them this was the best sign. The blood poured out of Dawn, hitting the cold OR floor. The nurse put the baby on Dawn's chest as the doctor worked frantically behind the blue curtain spanning the young girl's waist. Buffy saw the love in Dawn's eyes just before they dimmed.

Blip, memory eighteen: Being unable to breathe, unable to think until she heard the terrible cry that tore out of Connor. In that brief moment as life left Dawn, his sanity shredded. Buffy didn't have time to say goodbye to her sister or welcome her niece. She had to restrain the anguished boy, realizing only then just how much he truly loved her sister. Later the decision was made, if they crossed paths with Ethan again, he wouldn't be walking away.

Blip, memory nineteen: Connor leaving the hospital only to enter the Watcher's psych ward, an old place, not destroyed by the explosion nearly six years before. Buffy hated the asylum, all cold grey stone and the ghosts of hundreds of years of torment echoing through the halls. She didn't know how Connor could be expected to ever get well there. She understood why he broke. People had cracked for far less than what he had gone through in the three short years he had been on earth. Losing the man he saw as his father, losing his first love in the spell that removed all memory of him from Cordy's mind, losing himself to Jasmine and killing her, losing everything when Angel rewrote his history, losing that good life thanks to more magic, losing Fred whom he cared about even though she had been angry at him for what he had done to Angel. She had helped him to learn about this world and took care of him in those first scary months and he mourned her death and now, Dawn. For a long time he didn't do more than sit and stare and occasionally answer questions as if he were removed from the world and didn't care about his answers.

Blip, memory twenty: Naming Dawn's daughter Sorcha. Buffy knew Angel and Connor would have liked her to have an Irish name. Buffy wanted to name the baby after Dawn but couldn't find a Celtic goddess of dawn, something she thought Dawn might have wanted given her bourgeoning interest in Wicca. Sorcha meant radiant and bright and Buffy thought that was a suitable tribute to her sister. Buffy didn't know what she would have done without Giles, Willow and Xander and even Faith. They all pitched in to raise Sorcha to the chirpy little three year old she was today.

Blip, present time, thinking on her family and struggling not to get sick after a bumpy ride: Buffy wished she could see nothing but roses and kittens in Sorcha's future but she knew better. Willow and Giles' divinations suggested Sorcha would be a Slayer when she grew up or at the very least something as strong as one, if not actually connected into the Slayer power. Buffy suspected that before the little girl was even born. Her mother was an interdimensional key made flesh and her father a human-demon hybrid. Sorcha didn't have a prayer of being normal but she was, at least healthy and not brain damaged in the least. She was a bright little girl who loved her aunts and uncles.

She loved her daddy, too, but she only knew him through supervised visits at first. Buffy was always encouraged by how just being around his baby would perk Connor up, break him out of his fugue a little. It had taken three years and a lot of therapy but he was back to almost normal. He had been released from the psych ward and for the last month had been living with Buffy, getting back out there fighting the good fight with them.

Suddenly, Connor developed a desperate desire to go see his father. Buffy didn't blame him and Willow leapt right in with a teleportation spell so they wouldn't have to make Sorcha endure hours of flight time and lay overs. It was why she was standing now in front of Angel's new home, dredging up all the old sorrows her heart could hold.

Angel blamed himself for not knowing what Wolfram and Hart was up to. He blamed himself for Dawn's death, that his granddaughter had torn her way out of her mother. He blamed himself for not being there to help. Buffy kept telling him it wasn't his fault but in the back of her mind she blamed him, too, but only for the not being there. He had only ever seen his granddaughter in pictures. Buffy never knew why he felt so unwelcome in London, why he never came to see her and the baby or came to see his son but she had her suspicions. Every email she got from him, and they grew less and less all the time, told her what she really needed to know. 

Angel had given up. The fight was gone from him. He didn't care if Spike shanshued instead of him. He didn't care that most of his friends were gone. He couldn't even muster up enough positive emotion to try and bridge the gap between him and his family. He was locked up here in this house with Wesley, who still mourned Fred and Lilah, both of them trapped in their misery, lost in their memories of better days. Even Spike and Cordelia had moved to another bungalow on Council grounds, just to get away from the constant gloom.

"One of us should knock on the door," Willow said.

Buffy tried to move but couldn't. She wasn't sure she could face Angel now that she was actually here. Sorcha squirmed and Buffy set her down. Stepping out from the ring of luggage around them, Connor went up the stone steps, cracked with weeds pushing through the weakened areas. He knocked and Buffy felt better when Wes opened it, but, of course, he would since it was daylight. The Watcher looked nearly as old as Giles but his blue eyes sparked seeing them. He smiled warmly.

"You made it. Please, come in. I don't know if he could contain his excitement much longer," Wes said then smiled down at Sorcha, touching the top of her head. "Hello, little one."

As Sorcha clung to her shyly, Buffy found herself thinking '_He's excited_?' Maybe this had been the right thing, after all. Buffy didn't know how she walked inside. Maybe it was the strength she took from the little girl holding her hand. Sorcha didn't know to be afraid. She might sense her family's apprehension but she couldn't understand why. She was just excited to be someplace new and to finally meet her grandfather she only knew from stories.

Willow walked ahead with Wesley. Connor hung back for a moment. Buffy reached back and took his hand, feeling how cool and damp it was. She smiled fragilely, drawing him forward and slipped his hand into Sorcha's. The girl beamed up at her father as she walked between them.

Angel was in the library, light pouring through the windows. Buffy still wasn't used to seeing him like that but she was thankful that Gunn and Angel were at least civil to one another and Gunn had Wolfram and Hart give necro-tempered glass for Wes and Angel's duplex and for the main Council headquarters in L.A. Buffy saw the apprehension in Angel's eyes and she felt better for it. She didn't feel like an island of grief any longer. He slowly came toward them, his face mobile with the struggle to rein in his emotions.

"Connor," he said softly. "Buffy, Willow. I'm so...glad to see you." He knew it sounded lame, almost pathetic. Buffy could see that in his dark, constricted eyes.

Connor broke away from them and went to stand in front of his father. Buffy felt a racing ache shudder through her body, wondering if it was too soon, if they were wrong about Connor's mental state. Maybe he was too fragile for this.

The young man surprised all of them by tossing his arms around Angel's shoulders, hugging his father tight. Angel froze. Buffy saw confusion and joy warring inside him. Joy won as he crushed Connor to him. Neither man said anything. Buffy wanted to slink out of the room to give them privacy and from the looks on her companions' faces she knew they felt the same. Finally Angel let go of his son, patting him on the back. Both men had red, wet eyes they were trying to hide.

Connor came back over to her with Angel right behind him. The vampire wouldn't meet her eyes and she knew it wasn't because of the little girl holding her hand as Angel wasn't looking at Sorcha either. Connor squatted down beside Sorcha, straightening the little bow on the dressy dress she hadn't wanted to wear. Buffy hadn't blamed her. Sorcha was a tom boy and the idea of being in purple velvet with a floral sage green skirt hadn't sat well with the child. She had promised her niece a quick return to her usual jeans and T-shirts once they got where they were going but she had wanted Angel's first time seeing his granddaughter to have an air of formality. Connor had agreed but it had fallen to Buffy to enforce the edict. "Sorcha, this is my dad, your grandad, Liam." Connor gestured up at Angel and Buffy blinked at the name. She hadn't given much thought to what name they'd tell Sorcha to call her grandfather by. When she bought gifts for Sorcha and pretended they were from Angel she always just signed them 'granddad.' Her own father was so far out of her life that she didn't even tell Sorcha about him. If he couldn't be bothered to show up for his own daughter's funeral, he didn't need to be part of his grandchild's life. Occasionally it struck her odd that she cut Angel more slack than her own dad but Angel had been there more for her than Hank Summers ever had.

Angel knelt down, still towering over his son and granddaughter but the girl's eyes fastened on him without fear even when he reach out and cupped her little chin. "Hello, Sorcha. I've been waiting a long time to see you." 

Sorcha played with the hem of her dress then lifted it up over her head as little girls were wont to do when they got shy. Buffy was on her before Connor could even move out of his squat. She tapped her niece's hands, settling her skirt back down over her Pull-Ups. Buffy was never so glad as to have nappie-time over and done with. Nappie? She really had been in England too long. Diapers were still occasionally needed but potty training was almost a done deal. She tried to tell herself it was smooth sailing from here on out, raising a child, but she knew it was a lie.

"Good girls don't do that, Sorcha," she said, remembering her mom telling that to Dawnie, even though she knew Dawn had never been a little girl. "Sorry, Angel."

He smiled up at her, looking almost at ease now. "It's all right. But it's better this way," he said smoothing Sorcha's hair, "because we can see your pretty little face."

Sorcha's fingers went into her mouth as she turned to Connor, putting her arms around him. He kissed her head. "No need to be shy, sweetie." He stood, picking her up. "She usually isn't shy in the least. Think you can say hello to your grandfather?"

"Hi." She held out her arms and Angel stood up, taking the child from Connor. 

Buffy watched as he held her close like he was drinking her in. Sorcha put her arms around Angel's neck, giving him a sloppy kiss. Buffy could see him melting.

"I hope you didn't mind what I told her." Connor shrugged. "Grandfather Angel just sounded...dumb."

"It's fine," Angel said, his eyes not leaving Sorcha's blue ones. "You're such a beautiful young woman." He smoothed her skirt down where it had flipped up. "It's a pretty dress you have on."

Sorcha's nose wrinkled. "Dresses suck."

"I told Faith not to say that word around her." Buffy crossed her arms.

"You'll be lucky that's the only word Faith taught her," Willow said, rolling her eyes.

"I bet you're tired from traveling," Angel said to his granddaughter then looked at the adults, "All of you. Willow, you look dead on you feet."

Willow nodded. "That spell took a lot out of me."

"We have guest rooms made up here and at the Council headquarters," Wes said, shooting a nervous look Angel's way. "We weren't sure where you'd be more comfortable." 

"Here is just fine," Buffy said, glancing at Connor to be sure it was all right with him. He stared blankly at her. She didn't like that look. She knew it could mean an 'episode' was coming on. "Connor, you should get some rest, too, or do you want to talk to your father?"

"No." His attention snapped back to Angel and Buffy hoped they weren't about to see one of Connor's mood swings. "We can talk later. I'm...tired."

Buffy didn't know if she believed that but didn't doubt for a second Connor needed time to pull himself back together. The hard part was over and the harder part was about to begin. "Willow, can you put Sorcha down? It's time for your nap, young lady."

Sorcha didn't fuss as Angel set her down. Buffy took that as a sign the girl was exhausted because she usually fought nap time. 

"No problem. Wes, where were you planning on putting Sorcha?" Willow picked up Sorcha.

"One of the spare bedrooms only has a twin bed. We put a rollaway in there, too. We figured that would be best for one of you to stay with Sorcha."

"I'll take that room for now," Willow said and Buffy knew that was for the best. Sorcha still wasn't entirely comfortable around her dad since he had been out of her life for most of it. 

"We were planning to meet Spike and Cordy for dinner later but if you think you'll be too tired, we can order in," Wes said.

"We can play it by ear," Buffy said.

"Okay, follow me. Leave the luggage. I'll bring it up later," Wes said.

"You guys go ahead. Angel, you and I need to talk," Buffy said, forcing him to meet her gaze. She wasn't going to let him out of this.

"Come with me," he said and she heard the lack of enthusiasm. This was going to hurt.

Buffy followed Angel to his part of the home and realized it wasn't really a duplex, more like a house with a small apartment added on. Compared to the sprawling old time luxuries of Wes' side of the house, Angel's apartment was what a real estate agent would call 'cozy.' The living room was open to the 'galley' kitchen. Worse, there were no signs Angel lived in it. The place could have been ready for viewing by potential renters. The Angel she knew liked eclectic things, Asian art and leather furniture. Spike's crypt had more homey touches than this. Dingy white walls, furniture from the Good Will, no knick knacks, no books, no art. 

Horror poured through her veins like liquid fire. She realized now how far Angel had sunk, how broken he was, almost as fragile as his son. Why hadn't anyone told her it was this bad? Wes should have called her or Cordy or even Spike.

Wes, maybe she could forgive. She knew he hadn't recovered from losing Lilah and then within a year, Fred. If it wasn't for rebuilding the Watchers' Council, Buffy didn't think he could find the will to live. Cordelia always seemed to think Buffy made Angel worse each and every time she spoke to him and not telling Buffy was her way of protecting him. Why hadn't she been the one to take the first step and dig deeper than the emails he sent to find out how he really was? Spike still cared about her, having settled into a friendship with him, distance helping to ease the strain of a failed love or maybe he was still too jealous to tell her. 

"She's beautiful," Angel said so softly Buffy barely heard him. 

"More than you know," she said, trying to figure out how to say what she felt, what she was thinking without sounding like "Bitch Buffy." But there was no way of not being hurtful. Still, she had been subjected to enough interventions to know they were painful and she had never found them to be helpful. She didn't want Angel to feel how she had with Xander and Mom at her throat like she had when she first returned to Sunnydale after running away, or when her friends found out Angel had come back from hell. It hadn't helped her. It only hardened her, made her less likely to share. She didn't want to subject Angel to that.

"I'm sorry, Buffy, for not being there." He sat down on the orange, gold and green flowered couch.

That alone, his giving up dominance, the lack of pacing and posturing told her that there was nothing left in Angel that could fight. He was going through the motions. Buffy knew how that felt, how empty and alone it was. Out of that same darkness, she had reached to Spike. Who did Angel have to turn to? She didn't want to think about it. She sat on the broken down refugee from the 70's couch. "I just wished I understood why you never came to visit us." It was the least provocative thing she could think to say.

"You were better off without me." His eyes remained furtive.

Buffy clenched her fist, wanting to hit him. He was provoking her. He had to know that. He wanted her to scream, to guilt him further. He was living for the shame. She had seen this in him before and damn, if he wasn't making her do what he wanted. "How can you say that? We all needed you. I needed you." Her voice broke and she hated herself for it. She didn't want raw emotion ruling her. "I lost my sister. She was made from me, my blood, a pinch of my soul, maybe and she died. It was like losing part of myself. I needed you there. Why didn't you come?"

Angel propelled himself to his feet and Buffy just watched him pace. At least that was more normal for him. "I couldn't make it."

"Somehow Spike made it across the Atlantic." She pressed her fingers to her lips, wishing she hadn't said that. She didn't need to throw Spike back in Angel's face but it was the truth. Spike was the only one to come from L.A.

Angel gave no signs the barb had hit him. "I wasn't wanted there, Buffy."

She got up, her legs shaking. "What are you talking about?" She knew, deep down, what he meant. Spike had told her how Xander had once barred him from attending Joyce's funeral. She knew how much Xander hated Angel and always had. Angel was in charge of Wolfram and Hart and somehow missed that Eve and her cronies had gone around his back and hired Ethan. He blamed Angel for Dawn's death. Even if he didn't, Xander wouldn't have wanted Angel there. Buffy knew the hatred had its tangled roots in love and jealousy. Xander might be Willow's first love but Buffy was his. Unrequited, dismissed with all the lack of caring and obvious, 'oh my god, no,' a shallow teenager could muster but it didn't matter. It still colored everything between her and Xander. "What did Xander say to you?"

Angel made an abrupt motion with his hand, waving her off. "It wasn't just Xander. I'm used to ignoring him. It was everyone else. How could I face you, Buffy? It was my organization that caused Dawn's death."

Buffy caught hold of him, making him face her. He pushed her away and she grabbed him again, more firmly this time. He wasn't going to run from her. "I know the truth, Angel. You were a pawn. You, for some unfathomable reason, won't admit it. Maybe you feel you need to suffer but I don't. You couldn't possible know everything that was going on. The order didn't even come from the L.A. branch. Eve did it from another dimension entirely just to hide it from you. I don't blame you for what happened to Dawn."

His eyes reminded her of the night on the bluff when he had gone to greet the sun. "You're the only one, then."

"Giles and Willow don't. Anyone who does is an idiot. Xander blames you for everything. I know you don't pay him any mind."

"Spike blames me," Angel broke in. "He loved your sister, you know?" Buffy nodded. "He saw her as the kid sister he never had and apparently wanted."

"I know." Buffy swallowed hard, pain washing over her. "When I was dead, he looked out for her. That was his grief talking, Angel. He wouldn't be here helping you if he still felt that."

"I wouldn't bet on it. Then there's Andrew." Angel shook his head. "I never listen to a word he says but it's there in the background all the time. First his hatred for Connor for 'stealing' Dawn and then her death. I even asked Wes to send him to Cleveland to help the Watchers there but Wes didn't and you know why? Because he blames me and himself not just for Dawn but for everything. For Lilah, for Fred, for Connor."

"So what are you saying? You two are just locked here together in hatred, like Moby Dick and Ahab?" Buffy asked then her face wrinkled as she tried to think if that was the right analogy. "Because if you say yes, I'll believe it. Look at this place, Angel." She waved her hands around. "This is a jail cell, no, worse. Prisoners usually put up a thing or two to let someone know they're alive. This is a tomb and you've buried yourself in it."

He pulled away from her, retreating down the hall into his bedroom. She pressed against the door as he tried to close her out. The flimsy wood shuddered between them then he relented. The bed wasn't made. The sheets and the bedspread looked like they came from the same Good Will as the couch and the walls were as unrelentingly white and unadorned as the living room. 

"You can't close me out, Angel. I'm not going to let you. So, some people blamed you for Dawn's death, so what? I didn't. I told you that. I begged you to come and you didn't." Buffy felt her features turning to stone in spite of herself. "Those people didn't keep you away. You've been alive for nearly three centuries. You don't get that old letting other people make up your mind for you. You wanted to stay away so you could be selfish and brood here, taking all the blame because that's what makes you feel alive."

"You think you know me?" he growled, taking a step toward her.

"You have a better explanation? I'd like to hear it." She shoved him back and he put the bed between them. Buffy took a deep breath, trying to regain control. "Okay, forget that for a moment. You didn't come to Dawn's funeral because you didn't want to cause a scene. Fine. What about afterwards? Didn't you think I might have needed help raising your granddaughter? What did I know about raising kids?"

"You had Giles and Willow and Xander. You had all the help in the world," he said, his eyes narrowing.

"They aren't her blood, Angel. They love her, of course, but she needed her real family. I needed help. I'm a Slayer. I could be killed at any moment. I'm out there trying to do my job and I'm thinking, 'who'll take care of Sorcha if I die?' You should have been there to help." Buffy brushed at her eyes, furious with herself. She promised herself she wouldn't use tears as a weapon and in truth she wasn't. She didn't want them to tear out Angel's heart. She wanted them to stop but they wouldn't.

"Look what happened the last time I took care of a baby." His voice was so heavy with self-recrimination Buffy shuddered at hearing it.

"Speaking of your son, don't you think he needed you, Angel? He was so lost."

"On the best of days, I made Connor insane, Buffy. He hates me," Angel said.

"Liar. You've told me how much you loved Connor. You said you knew he understood you truly loved him, at the end. You told me that he was reaching out to you for help before you had that spell cast on him. Well, he needed his father, Angel." She reached out to him and he backed away some more. Her hand dropped, slapping into her thigh. "He needed you for these last three years languishing in that mental hospital. I've been there, too. I know how scary that is. He needed his father and you weren't there."

"I wouldn't be the father he wanted. His father is dead," Angel snarled.

"Really? That's why you emailed about him all the time, asking questions, avoiding suggestions that it would be helpful if you came to England to see him? That's why he greeted you today with a hug, because he hates you. He needed you and you abandoned him. You abandoned us all." Buffy turned, stumbling out of the room. She caught hold of the door jamb. "I'm sorry, Angel. I didn't want it to be this way. I wanted to tell you that it didn't matter, that things could be different now."

"But they do matter," he said.

"Of course they do," she snapped. "But they can be forgiven. I do forgive you, Angel for not being there. Connor does, too, or else we would never have come but I need to understand why you left us and why you still aren't letting us in."

Angel hung his head, turning from her. Buffy sobbed and ran back to the main part of the house then out the door into the back yard. She didn't know what else she was expecting. She had made a horrible mess of things in a matter of minutes. She had failed herself, failed her niece and Connor. She had failed Angel as much as he had failed her.


	2. Prelude to Brooding

__CHAPTER TWO

Angel didn't know how he could hold in all the misery that bubbled in him. It was easier to forget how much he had screwed up when all the evidence was neatly hidden away in London. Buffy had been too easy on him. She should hate him for deserting her. She was right. There was no reason for him to not have been there except for his fears. Could Buffy understand that? Yes, she probably could if he would only tell her.

He destroyed everything he ever touched. That was as true now as when he was mortal. He destroyed his family. He ruined his reputation, turned his back on all his father had wanted to give him, building the older man up as a monster in his mind. Angel didn't know now if his father had been too harsh, too overbearing all his life or if he had made the man that way by being such a huge disappointment.

As Angelus, he savored all he destroyed. He had set out to be the worst of the worst and damn, if he hadn't been good at it. He had gone down in the books as the Scourge of Europe. The Watchers knew and feared him. He lived for destruction until that fateful night when he, himself had been destroyed.

Then came nearly a century of crawling on his belly, hiding from himself. Every time life threatened to grab him and make him live again, he ran off . It lasted until Whistler dragged him out of the filth and showed him the brilliant life of a young Slayer at the moment her destiny became known. Even that didn't make him live again, not right away. It was gradual. He watched her in L.A., had her leave him only to follow her to Sunnydale. How ironic it wasn't until he moved to a Hellmouth that life trickled back into him. He got an apartment, cleaned up but still he was a mere shell of himself, waiting for someone to breathe life into him. 

He had nearly destroyed Buffy before he truly got to know her. He knew only that he loved her but the century of fear and self-revulsion kept him from helping her. He had considered the Master a joke when he was Angelus but as Angel the elder vampire made him quake. If not for Xander, he wouldn't have gone to her aid. More bitter irony, the mortal jackass was braver than he was.

He still didn't know why he didn't just disappear when she left that summer to be with her father in L.A. The Master was gone. She didn't need him. He knew loving her was wrong. He should have just cut and run then, sparing both of their hearts before the roots of love went too deep. He knew he'd destroy her just by being what he was, the curse aside. He hadn't even known about the loophole then but still he couldn't give her up. Like a drug, she was what kept him going.

And it destroyed them both. Maybe they both had come back from that fateful day when he awoke Acathla but neither of them were the same. Buffy had looked him in the eye, her soul shredding, as she sent him to hell. He remembered every moment there. Some times things that are terribly traumatic get washed away by the brain. It was the only way to save itself. Buffy told him that it was that way with Connor. He only had vague memories of anything that transpired once Jasmine was 'born.' Angel wished it was that way for him, that hell was some vague blur. Instead it was a full throated scream in the back of his mind that he had to work on drowning out.

They limped through another year before he destroyed her completely. Running to L.A. hadn't helped and once there he left his usual path of destruction. Doyle died for him. Cordelia was driven mad by Wolfram and Hart just to get to him and was saved just barely, left changed but oddly for the better, only to sacrifice half her humanity and nearly her life down the road. Kate was all but destroyed by associating with him and his world. Jealousy and revenge against Angel ate Lindsey alive, taking a page from Holtz's book. Would Fred had been better off if he hadn't found her and brought her back only to die horribly here? And what of Wes? If not for him, Wesley might have just given up totally on the demon world and gone and lived a normal life. Instead he turned the 'rogue demon hunter' into someone far more competent before turning on him and forging Wesley into steel in the fire of his rage against him.

How could Buffy think that she would have been better off with him there? She had all the proof she needed to the contrary locked up in an asylum. Connor would have been better off if Holtz had just taken him to Utah and never saw him again. No matter what Angel had tried with his son, it only went from bad to worse. He was afraid to keep on trying, fearing his next attempt would destroy Connor completely. The boy had gotten better without him. It would never have happened if he had gone to England to be there with Connor. Couldn't they see that?

Angel wanted to tell Buffy that there was nothing she could say that could hurt him more than he was hurting himself. She would never know how much it was killing him to watch his grandchild grow up in pictures. Each email with the digital photos felt like someone yanking his fangs out slowly, taking hunks of jaw with it. At least with Connor, his son had grown up instantaneously from his point of view. There was nothing he could do to be there, no matter how much he wanted to be. It was his fault he hadn't seen his granddaughter, smelled her, felt the softness of her hair, watched the light in her eyes until today.

The truth reverberated in his mind. If he had contact with her, he'd destroy her. His mere presence would poison her life. By the mere fact of the genes they shared, her life would be a hard one, full of fighting, ripe with death. She was already in training. He had seen Sorcha in her tiny 'karate' outfit. She looked adorable but she was a weapon waiting to be honed to her deadly potential. A Slayer in a toddler's body. He'd blink his eyes and she'd be a teenager, out there killing his kind.

He heard the door to his apartment opening. The woodsy smell of aftershave told him it was Wesley and not Buffy returning to finish him off, as much as he would like that. He lumbered out of his bedroom. Wes stared at him, probably not really wanting to be here. "What?"

"Everyone's awake. We decided to order in Chinese. Spike and Cordy are on their way. You really should join us," Wes said.

Angel nodded. His family was already here. It was too late. His infectious devastation was probably already in the works. "Should I bring my gift now or should I ask first? I don't even have the right to..."

"Angel, bring the gift. Mine is already on the table and it's all Buffy can do to keep Sorcha's little fingers off it and I have even less right to be playing nice at this late date. We can't let this second chance pass us by." Wes leaned on the doorjamb. "It hasn't escaped my notice we're turning into bitter old men, shut off from the world. The kind of man I saw my father become, the kind I promised myself I'd never be."

Angel looked at his shoes as if he'd find answers in the pattern of the cheap carpeting left over from the days of psychedelia. "Think it's as easy as just going down there with gifts?"

"No, but it's a start, unless you've discovered a way to rewind the past and live it again," Wes said wryly.

Angel snorted. Wes knew that he had once done just that. God, what he wouldn't do to do that again. He'd save Connor and it would be his child who was the three year old. Dawn and Fred would be alive. Cordelia wouldn't be a shade of her former self. All it would cost him was his grandchild. Angel met Wes' eyes. He hadn't seen them this bright since before Fred's death. Hell, since before Connor was born. He ran a hand through his thick hair. It was longer than normal. He hadn't been keeping up with it. He could only imagine what he looked like. There was a rind of fuzz on his chin. "Am I really welcome?"

"I think Buffy will honestly kill you if you don't show up. Connor would be crushed." Wes surveyed him. "And in case you're wondering, you might want to take a brush to your hair."

Angel managed a sheepish look. "Thanks. I should have had it cut. Without a mirror...there are definitely things I miss not having someone to point out I look like a freak."

"I've always wondered how vampires handled grooming." Wes had that curious look Angel had long ago associated with him.

"We tend to be somewhat communal for a reason. Spike and I would help Dru and Darla and vice versa. It's easier for the guys. If we keep our hair short, it's usually okay." Angel disappeared into his bathroom. He stared in the mirror that reflected nothing but the shower curtain behind him. He rubbed some gel on his hands and smoothed the pelt on his head. He went back out. "Better?"

"Much."

Wes turned on his heel and headed out. Angel took the gaily wrapped gift out of his closet and followed. Everyone was in the living room except for Spike and Cordelia who obviously hadn't arrived. Sorcha was playing on the floor with a doll of something not quite human in a pink tutu. Beside her was a red dog with yellow splotches. Her pretty little dress had been exchanged for bib overalls with flowers embroidered on the pants and bib. She looked up, her eyes bigger than the gift in his hands. Buffy swooped in, grabbed the gift and stuck it up on the shelf.

"Not until after dinner," she said and Sorcha pouted.

Angel sat on the couch with Connor who still looked weary. He thought that might just be how his son looked now. Connor always did have sleepy eyes and a mouth that always seemed to hang open in a perpetual state of bemusement. Now, he had Dru's eyes, that slightly vacant look that said just how tenuous his sanity was. Willow was draped on the wing back chair, looking wrung out as if she should still be asleep. 

Sorcha popped up and ran over to him climbing onto the couch next to him. She plopped her doll into his lap. "She's Fizz."

Angel picked up the ballerina, examining her carefully, much to Sorcha's delight. "She's very pretty."

"She's a Tweenie," Connor offered and at Angel's upraised eyebrow, "It's a kid's show."

"Don't worry, you'll get real familiar with it real fast," Buffy said, ruefully. "We brought DVD's."

"What does Fizz do?" Angel gingerly touched Sorcha's bunny soft hair.

Sorcha took the doll back and made her dance. "She dances. You like dancing?"

Angel nodded. "I like ballet very much."

"I like to dance. Do you dance?" Sorcha's eyes fastened on him.

Angel smiled. "No. That's scary, not as scary as Wesley but pretty scary."

"I heard that." Wes frowned, sitting on the love seat with Buffy.

"You dance," Sorcha proclaimed, slipping off the couch.

"That was her non-negotiable voice," Willow said with a lazy grin.

Angel felt a frisson of panic at the idea of dancing where someone could see him. "I wasn't kidding about being scary."

"You danced fine with me," Buffy reminded him.

Angel shook his head. "Slow dancing. That's different. That's not dancing. That's just..." He looked at Sorcha who was heading his way with the stuffed dog and he edited his thought, "you know what it is. You've never seen me fast dance and that's not likely to change."

Sorcha tossed the dog into his lap and clamored back up on the couch. "That's Doodles. He likes pancakes."

"Pancakes?" Angel turned the toy over in his hands, wondering what he was supposed to do with it. He knew nothing about playing with children. The only time Connor had liked him when he was a baby was when Angel showed him his game face and Angel knew that would not be appreciated now.

"Lots of 'em." Sorcha snuggled into his side, sending a wave of parental pride through him. 

Angel slipped an arm around her. "Do you like dogs?"

She nodded. "Want one. Aunt Buffy says no."

"Not until you're older," Buffy said with the weariness of someone who had had this argument many times over. 

"She's not at all shy, is she?" Angel asked.

Connor laughed. "No."

"Usually she's Cordy-brash," Buffy said. "Kinda like me at that age if Mom was to be believed."

"In other words, a princess." Angel smiled his first true smile in what felt like years. No, he corrected himself, it had been years.

Buffy's eyes narrowed but she grinned. "Watch it, Mister."

"Fizz likes being a princess," Sorcha said, hopping back off the couch. She grabbed Angel's hand and pulled. 

Curious, he got up and let her lead him behind the couch. She tried to pull him down so he sat on the floor where she had a mess of coloring books and crayons. She gave him a book and a box of crayons.

"Sorcha, I'm not sure he wants to color," Connor said, looking over the back of the couch.

"It's okay. You want me to do this one?" Angel tapped the picture of a winged faerie. Sorcha nodded and handed him a purple crayon then pressed his hand down to the fairies' hair. "Purple hair? Are you sure?"

"Yep."

"If you say so." Angel began meticulously coloring the faerie's hair, shading it as he went with a practiced artistic hand. It was easier than talking. He could sit and play with his granddaughter all night. That would keep him from having to say anything to Buffy or his son. He wanted to nurse this simple moment for all it was worth. 

It ended quickly enough when Spike swaggered in and said, "Well, here's something I never thought I'd see."

Angel scowled up from his coloring book. He wanted to say something but he didn't. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep the snap from his voice and he didn't want to scare Sorcha. For whatever reason the little girl seemed to like him and as much as he knew he should frighten her away for her own good, he just couldn't do it. Spike was carrying a couple gifts which Buffy spirited away before Sorcha could hold out her hands for them. 

"Unca Spike!" Sorcha bubbled, jumping up. She tossed herself into Spike's arms.

"'Allo, ducks." He kissed her cheek.

Angel felt sick from the jealousy welling up in him. It was his own fault, not Spike's. He cut himself out of Sorcha's life. He had no right to be jealous of Spike but he was. He was even jealous that Sorcha had a British accent, even if it was more like Giles' and Wes' like than Spike's.

"You have Peaches coloring." Spike scooped her up.

"Don't teach her to call me that, Spike," Angel said lowly, setting aside his purple crayon and getting up. He felt a hand in the small of his back and he turned, thinking it was Cordy who had fallen into the role of referee between the two vampires. However, it was Buffy behind him and for her, he let the tension go.

"Like it'll matter," Spike said, his eyes hard and Angel knew the implication. Spike didn't believe he would ever have further contact with the child. That if Buffy hadn't brought Connor and Sorcha to him, he would never have seen them.

The door bell cut off anything he might have had to say. Wes popped up from the love seat. "That'll be dinner."

"Come on, let's get you set up." Buffy held out her arms and Spike plunked Sorcha into them. "We have a special table for you."

Angel watched as Willow laid out part of the newspaper as a table cloth and the coffee table became the 'special' table. Buffy sat the girl down at it then followed Wes and the huge bags of food into the kitchen. Angel went with them as did Cordy and Willow. "Does she like Chinese?" He kept his voice to a whisper, just for Buffy to hear.

She nodded. "She likes the eggs rolls and honey chicken or moo goo gai pan. She's not so crazy about the rice." While the others started getting down bowls and plates, Buffy diced the sticky breaded honey chicken hunks into tiny pieces for Sorcha then did the same to the egg roll. 

Wes put him to work carrying bowls of soup to the living room where Connor and Spike were setting up trays for everyone to eat off of. Angel just sat and let the conversation wash over him. Everything was kept light and superficial as everyone danced around the strains in the fabric of their extended family. He and Wes were still being judged as to their fitness to be invited back inside. Wes was making a better effort to win his place back than Angel was. Angel was content to just watch Sorcha ignore her fork and pop bits of chicken and whatever the green stuff was inside of an eggroll into her mouth with gummy fingers. It took a while for it to sink in how quiet Connor was being. Of course, his son was always taciturn and it was hard to shoehorn in conversation once Willow, Spike, Cordy and Buffy got going. Angel glanced over and saw Connor silently watching him. His son's face was inscrutable. He wanted to say something, smile encouragingly, anything but what he did was drop his gaze to his hands.

Angel felt Connor's eyes staying on him. He heard Spike laughing and joking with Buffy. He felt like he had when he found Darla, Dru and Spike in China, on the outside, unwanted with Spike in his place as head of the family. He wasn't needed here, or required. It would be easier on everyone if he would just go. 

The phone rang. Angel answered it, grateful for a break in the tension. Why wouldn't Connor just look away and eat his orange beef? The boy could never be easy. "Hello...yes, Lorne." Angel couldn't' keep the irritation of his face. "I'll be right there."

"Angel, what's wrong?" Wesley got up, anticipating danger.

"There's been an incident at Lorne's club, Foawrs. Lorne needs me there before things get ugly. He sends his apologies for breaking up the family reunion."

"Do you have to handle this personally?" Disappointment and anger mixed in Buffy's eyes.

"We've renamed Lorne's bar the Phoenix Rising for as many times as it's been blown up or burnt down. Lorne wouldn't have called if he didn't think it was in imminent danger of returning to ash," Wesley said.

"Do you need me to help?" Buffy asked. Connor and Willow looked just as ready to throw in if need be.

Angel offered a weak smile. "You're still tired. I can handle a few Foawrs."

"Are you sure, Angel? I could at least go with you," Wes said, "Or Spike."

Spike curled his lip. "Bloody hell. When those giants aren't busy busting up a place, they're out to buggar all the livestock they can find." 

"No cussing," Buffy snapped.

"And I'd best get there before any of that starts. You guys stay. There's no sense in everyone missing out on tonight. I'll be back as soon as I can." Angel didn't give them time to argue more, heading for the door. He stopped when Sorcha slithered out from the table and fastened onto his pants.

"No go," she begged.

Angel stooped down, stroking her hair. "I don't want to go, Sorcha. I'll be back soon, promise. You should finish your dinner."

"Come on, baby." Buffy took Sorcha's hand. "Your grandfather needs to hurry, big bad business."

Sorcha looked up at him solemnly. "Come back."

"I will."

Angel left before his heart broke. He didn't want to go. He couldn't stay. Lorne's call was just a good excuse. He got in his Super Bee and drove for the club. He wanted to just keep driving. He couldn't let himself get too involved. His son and granddaughter were better off without him. It would only hurt them in the long run if he was in their lives. All he ever had done was bring misery to Buffy. She didn't deserve it. He had no business trying to be part of their world like he had tonight.

Here was where he belonged, in the night, under the stars, or the light pollution as the case may be. He belonged in battle, not with a happy family. He let the Manx giants kick him around Lorne's place a little before luring them outside and letting them really cut loose. He enjoyed prolonging the battle. Each blow was just punishment for breaking his promise to himself to keep out of their lives for their own good. By the time all the Foawrs were dead, Angel staggered half blind from the beating he took. Blood ran in his eyes and his fangs felt loosened in their sockets. The pain gave him something to concentrate on, something other than the spun-glass look of fragility Connor wore, the anguish in Buffy's eyes, the sweet innocence of Sorcha.

He dragged the heavy blanket he carried for emergencies out of the Bee's trunk and draped it over the car seat so he wouldn't get blood all over the interior of his car. He drove to the beach. The soft sounds of the waves lured him down to the surf. The waves looked inviting. He could just disappear under them again and this time never come back. It wouldn't be fair, though. He couldn't put any of them through the pain of not knowing what happened to him. It was better to just cut them out, let them think him the villain. At least they wouldn't be tortured with thoughts of trying to find him.

Angel trucked back to the dry sand. He looked up at the cliffs. He remembered going over them, the rage in his son's eyes. He recalled all of Connor's mocking words, his own words thrown back at him. He had been too stunned by the sheer strength in his child's slight body, the poisonous fury that consumed him, to fight back like he should have. Angel couldn't get the image of Connor's face staring up at him through the waves as he tried to drown him, just a little, trying to slow him down. He had been a lousy father. What kind of man did that to his son?

Angel shivered, remembering the pain of the taser, the brutalness later as his son welded him into the coffin. How could he trust a man like that with a little girl? Angel half thought he should just grab his son and disappear. Let Buffy and her friends raise Sorcha. The child might be better off that way, with neither of them in her life. Connor was just a phantom in her life as it was, a supervised visit once a week until recently, nothing more. It would hurt for a while but it wasn't uncommon to sacrifice an infected limb to save a life.

Angel sat on the beach, mulling over his family situation until nearly dawn. He was smoking slightly as he raced back into his home, his head still throbbing and oozing blood. Buffy was waiting for him in the living room. Her eyes were ringed with dark circles, threads of crimson running through their whites. 

"You should be in bed," he said.

"This was coming back as soon as you could?" Buffy got to her feet, her body trembling with exhaustion.

Angel touched the wound on his forehead. "I ran into unexpected problems."

"Lorne said you left the club hours ago."

Angel grimaced. He should have known they'd check up on him. "Ran into trouble again after that."

"Did you think to call?" Frustration laced her voice.

"I lost my cell phone." Angel patted his pocket and was actually surprised to feel nothing. His cell phone was gone, probably lying on the beach. He was constantly losing them and the smaller they got, the faster he lost them. "Sorry. Did she like her gifts?"

"What do you care?"

Angel sighed. "I care, Buffy. I...just...there was trouble. I'm sorry. Don't tell me you never had that happen."

"Of course it happens. I just don't think it did tonight. You couldn't get out of here fast enough."

"That's not true," he lied. "Buffy, you're exhausted. I'm in pain. I don't want to stand here arguing, waking up the whole house. Get some sleep. You can yell at me all you want later." 

He walked past her, heading for his part of the house. He should have just gone there in the first place but he had wanted to try to sneak a peek at Sorcha. 

"We told Sorcha she had to wait for you to open the gifts," Buffy called as he walked on.

He paused for a minute, feeling pain for being the reason Sorcha was denied her gifts but said nothing. Angel locked his place up behind him, trying to make it a sanctuary from the trauma of seeing his family again. The only thing wrong with that was most of the problem was locked up inside of him.


	3. Painful Decisions

__CHAPTER THREE 

"Thank you for bringing us, Wesley," Connor said as he watched Sorcha toddle just ahead of her grown ups inside the arboretum of Los Angeles County. "It's very pretty here."

"Buffy said you and Sorcha like to hike in the woods. It was here or Griffith Park. I thought Sorcha might like the waterfall and the peacocks," Wes replied.

"You weren't wrong about the peacocks," Buffy said, chasing after Sorcha who spotted the birds and was off like a shot.

"So I see. Peacocks can get a bit aggressive," Wesley warned as Buffy snared the girl.

"That girl could find trouble anywhere." Willow smiled softly.

Connor moved closer to Willow. "Could you and Wes take Sorcha for a few minutes. I need to talk to Buffy."

Buffy looked back hearing his soft words. She knew he was having trouble today holding it together.

"Of course." Willow stroked his hair back. "Angel will come around, Connor, promise."

Connor bit his bottom lip, not looking at her. He moved closer to the showy pink trumpet trees heavy with blossom and waited for Buffy.

Buffy put her hands on his shoulders. "What's wrong, Connor?"

"I think we made a mistake." His eyes were watery. "Dad doesn't want us here."

"Angel does want us, Connor. He just can't admit it yet. He's afraid," Buffy said, praying she wasn't wrong.

Connor shook his head. "He's given up."

"Yes, Angel has so it's up to us to show him there is hope. I know this is hard on you. We can leave if you want but I think we should try just a little harder," Buffy said, hoping Connor wouldn't simply shatter.

"I should have let you bring Sorcha alone. You were right, it's too soon for me," he said.

"You're doing great. Think you can just concentrate on the gardens? Try to forget Angel for a few hours and just enjoy yourself. If you're feeling really bad, we can go home and you can get some rest."

"I want to stay. I like it here." Connor suddenly leaned closer, kissing her cheek. "Thank you, Buffy, for everything. I'd be lost without you."

Buffy smiled at him. "Come on, little brother. Let's look at the flowers."

They poked around the park for another two hours. Sorcha even bore up to the historical stuff Willow managed to wheedle them into seeing. Buffy didn't like Connor's near total silence and blank expression but Sorcha was so excited that she didn't seem to notice. Buffy wanted to kick Angel's ass for him again just for upsetting Connor this much. Her heart could handle a little more breaking. She was used to gluing it back together. Connor had so many pieces missing already that if he broke again, she might not be able to help Humpty Dumpty him together again.

Connor took Sorcha upstairs for her nap when they got home. Buffy wouldn't have been surprised if he laid down for one himself. Willow disappeared with Wesley in a pleased tizzy over some kind of spell book the man wanted to show her. Buffy wasn't surprised to find Angel wasn't in the main house but was shocked to see he wasn't in his apartment either.

She popped into the library long enough to ask Wes for suggestions and he directed her to the Watchers Complex's gymnasium. Buffy left the house, crossed the wooded courtyard ripe with the scent of eucalyptus and found Angel right where Wes said he would be, beating the crap out of a helpless punching bag.

"I have half a mind to hang you up there and treat you the same way," she said.

Angel steadied the bag with one hand, wiping his sweating brow with the other. His eyes were still blackened but already they were beginning to fade. "What did I do now?"

"You could have come to see us off before we headed out or given any signs that you were still alive and cared." Buffy moved right into his personal space. "Connor is ready to go home or have another break down thinking you don't want us here. I've spent three years watching him inside that rest home, Angel. I'm not ready to see it again. All he needed was a simple bit of interest to make him happy."

Angel walked away from her. "Sorry. I slept through you leaving. I was going to come down...I just...I didn't want Sorcha to see me like this, all busted up. By dinner, I won't look like a monster."

Buffy considered that and thought he might actually meant it and had been trying to do a good thing. "Okay, I can understand that. But you should have said something to me or Connor. He's not the son you remember, Angel. Connor needs more reassurance. If he's not taking a nap now, you might want to come over and talk to him. He wants you to but I can tell you he's not going to make the first move. He's too afraid."

"So am I," Angel said in a whisper. "If he's not asleep, I'll talk to him. What about Sorcha's gifts? Did I miss that?"

"No. We're doing it after dinner tonight. I think we had best eat in again. Connor didn't look well at the gardens today, even if it was what he wanted to do. I don't think he'd do well out at a restaurant tonight," Buffy said and watched Angel swallow hard. She knew it was killing him to hear how bad off Connor was.

"Okay...just no Mexican. It was Fred's favorite. Wes can't stand the smell of it now and to be honest, neither can I."

Buffy went over and put a hand on his back. "Thanks for the warning. I'll suggest fried chicken. Sorcha likes that. Connor will eat anything or nothing as the case may be."

Angel nodded. "That'll be fine. I need to shower. I could meet you back at the main house, see if he's awake."

"All right. Just be patient with him, Angel. Soft voice, if you can. He doesn't like loud sounds." Buffy tried not to sound accusatory, like she expected him to yell at Connor. "Sorcha's full of loudness but he's okay with that. It's men's voices that freak him out."

"Thanks for telling me. I didn't know." Angel wilted.

"It's not that I expect you to yell at him or anything but you can be intimidating without even knowing it," she said, sounding sheepish.

Angel turned to face her fully for the first time. He caught her hand. "Is this as good as it's going to get for him, Buffy?"

She wanted to tell him a sweet lie, that it would only be better from here. "I don't know. The doctors don't know. They think he'll get better but he could just as easily get worse. He needs you to at least talk to him."

"I will. I promise." 

Angel didn't keep his promise and he hated himself for it. By the time he was done with his shower, and his bruises had faded to the point Sorcha was likely not to notice them, Connor was asleep. Angel refused to wake him. Buffy went and prodded the young man awake but by then Angel had disappeared into the Watcher's Complex on the pretense of working on something. He didn't come back until they were sitting down to a few buckets of fried chicken.

"Not that piece, Sorcha," Buffy said, as her niece grabbed a breast out of the bucket.

"Lots of crunchies," Sorcha protested.

"That's the spicy one. Give it to your dad. He's the one who likes stuff that's hot enough to melt your teeth." Buffy pried the chicken out of Sorcha's strong little fingers. "I'll find you one with lots of breading."

"Here, Sorcha, how about this?" Willow held up a piece totally covered with breading, so much so it ha long fingers of crispy breading.

"Thank you, Aunt Willow." Sorcha sat down with her dinner.

Angel sat on the couch with Connor. "Hot enough to melt teeth?"

Connor held out his plate. "Want to try it?"

Angel shook his head. "I don't eat."

Connor stabbed a finger at Spike who sat on the floor, his back to the love seat with Cordy sitting above him on the furniture The vampire had a plate of chicken and onion rings. "Spike's eating."

Angel rolled his eyes. "Spike's weird."

"Well, yeah. He's a vampire. That's a given." The corners of Connor's lips twitched with amusement.

Angel glowered. "No, it's not. If I eat a small piece, will you be happy?"

Connor shrugged. "Wouldn't hurt."

"Give him a neck," Spike said, around an onion ring dripping with barbeque sauce.

"There are no necks in here," Buffy said then her face screwed up. "Man, I sure hope there's no necks."

"Ewwww." Sorcha giggled.

"I'm with you there, sweetie," Cordy said.

"Here, try a spicy wing." Buffy handed Angel a wing on a plate then sat beside Sorcha to make sure the girl didn't try shoving huge pieces of chicken into her mouth.

Angel nibbled it. "I can almost taste this. How hot is it?"

"Mouth blistering, just like Connor likes it." Willow grinned. "I think he finds British cuisine...disappointing."

"Very," Connor agreed.

"We just prefer not to burn away our taste buds." Wesley smirked.

"Yes, because we want those intact to taste our blood pudding." Buffy shuddered.

"Ummm, my Mum used to make a great blood pudding," Spike said, his eyes closing in delight.

"No such thing," Willow countered.

"Crunchy?" Sorcha twisted around, waving a piece of breading at him.

Angel smiled and took it. He obliged her by eating it. "Thank you."

"Play later," she insisted.

"Okay," Angel said.

Angel listened to everyone bantering back and forth as he did his duty and actually ate the chicken wing. His stomach roiled at the introduction of solid food. He eat so rarely. He had no idea how Spike stood it.

The room felt like it was closing in on him while cutting him out simultaneously. No one was addressing him directly. He knew he should just start talking, try to get into the flow. He promised Buffy he'd talk to Connor but he knew nothing they had to say to one another should be done in public. Did he just ask his son to get up and follow him somewhere more private? Connor looked too content to bother. Angel could see he was irrelevant, had no place in the dynamics of his one-time family. Buffy was wrong. He wasn't needed. Angel got up and went outside, staring up at the moon. He could barely see it through all the light pollution. If he wanted stars, he would have to paint them in by memory. He could just live in his memories, be someplace in time when he still thought he could love Buffy without harm, when he thought he could be a good father to Connor. He would rather be lost in the paradise of remembrance than be forced into his bleak reality.

"Please, don't go."

Angel looked over his shoulder, unprepared to see his son there, looking like a kicked dog. It gutted him. He felt weak. He wanted to fall into the grass and just let the earth swallow him. He should have been laying in the ground over two hundred years now, maybe it was time. "I was just going to the headquarters." He gestured across the way to the big stone building. "I might be needed."

"You're running away. I can't..." Connor's voice broke. "I thought you were having fun, that you liked Sorcha."

He turned to face Connor. "I have no right to it. You're better off without me."

Connor came down the back steps, crossing the yard. "I've always thought that. I thought that the only part of my life that wasn't a lie was the time I spent in Quor-Toth and everything here wasn't real. But it was. The lies were Jasmine...and the spell you cast over me. The time I first spent with you, tricking you, that was a lie, too. But when you came back, that part wasn't a lie."

"And you hated it and I was a lousy father. I threw you out and I made one half-assed attempt to get you back. I never took the time to try and make you feel welcome or safe. I wanted to shove you into the mold I had in mind for the perfect son and when you didn't fit, I had no patience for you. You don't need me around, Connor," Angel said, his voice gravelly.

"I was wrong about not needing you," Connor said, oddly persistent.

"No, you weren't. I've destroyed everything I've ever touched. I destroyed you."

Connor was so close now, Angel could feel his breath on his neck. "No, you didn't, not alone at any rate. You helped. So did Holtz and Cordy and Jasmine, even Fred and Gunn. I destroyed myself. It's my name, after all. I'm the Destroyer."

"Don't say that. You're more than that." Angel stroked his hair out of his son's eyes.

"Maybe, but it's a part of me. What have I touched that I haven't destroyed? Don't you understand I need you?" Fat tears, glistening in the moonlight, spilled down his cheeks. "I'm afraid, Dad. I'm not well. I'm never going to be normal. The doctors said I could live back in the world now but too much stress...and I won't last. I'm scared to death. No one trusts me alone with my daughter. I don't blame them. I need you. I need someone to help me stand on my own again."

Angel caught the sob percolating up out of him as he grabbed onto Connor. He crushed the young man to him. Connor had only ever asked for his help once before and actually meant it. The last time he was begging Angel to kill him. Now he wanted his father to help him live. Connor's tears burned into his chest and Angel fought back his own tears. His son finally needed him and he still felt like running. Angel knew if he did, that would be the end. He had broken enough minds in his time to know one more huge disappointment and Connor might never recover.

Angel tucked his chin on top of Connor's head. The wind shift just a bit and he caught the scent of Buffy on the breeze. He looked up and saw her on the back porch. He said nothing, turning his attention back to his son, feeling the young man's heart hammering as Connor balled his hands in shirt. Angel felt Buffy's hands touch his as she tried to embrace both men at once. Angel shifted, letting her into the circle.

Finally, Angel let his arms drop, daring a step back. They were too close to breaking through and he couldn't allow that. Connor let him go but Buffy clung like a burr. The fire in her eyes could be seen in the dark.

"You're not running away again, Angel. This time I won't let you," she told him. "You just heard how much your son needs you." She rested her calloused hand on the wing of Connor's too-thin shoulder.

"Have you figured it out yet, Buffy? Running is what I do best." Angel couldn't pack more self loathing into his words if he tried.

"That's not true," she said in a small voice, doubting every word.

"Really?" You don't know me as well as you think then, Buffy." He stomped away and this time it was Connor who stopped him, chucking him into a Eucalyptus tree. Angel rubbed his shoulder and continued his tirade. "I'm a runner. I have been since I was mortal. I was some grotesque Peter Pan, drinking and whoring, hiding from growing up, running from responsibly. Darla offered me the ultimate chance to run and see the world. I saw she had money just from how she dressed and I jumped at it. No more being bound to what I could steal from my father and friends, never getting further than a few miles outside of Galway."

Angel tried to step away from the tree but they penned him in. "Of course, I didn't know she meant to kill me first. The running stopped once I was Angelus. The demon is the only part of me that had an ounce of coward. Liam's a coward. He runs. Surely the First Evil showed you that, Buffy. Once I was cursed, the running started again. I ran all the way to China, then to America, hiding and moving any time anyone tried to bring me back into life. I was running from life but didn't have the guts to end it. I finally ran out into the streets, hiding from the sun where I could, living in filth, eating rats. Why don't you ask Faith how much of a runner I am? She knows. She lived it with me in that Orpheus trip."

Angel saw Buffy's face crumble at the reminder that no one knew him more intimately than Faith. "I'd still be in the gutter now if not for Whistler, taking me to meet you, Buffy." Angel paused, knowing he was shouting. Connor's face registered nothing but curiosity. Buffy was a poem of pain. She knew most of this terrible talk. "And what good was I to you? I let you face the Master alone. I murdered Jenny, tortured your Watcher then abandoned you to run off to L.A. I wasn't even there when you died or when you were resurrected."

"You died?" Connor interrupted Angel's bilious flow.

"Twice," Buffy replied, her eyes never leaving Angel.

"I've only died once." Connors' voice was so soft Angel thought he imagined it.

"You weren't dead long, Connor. Just until Wolfram and Hart cast their spell," Angel said weakly, "Barely longer than when Buffy died the first time."

"You didn't run then. It would have been easier to let me die," Connor said.

Angel took a deep, unnecessary breath in. Leave it to his son to argue, to find the holes in his story and rip them asunder, exposing the underlying lie. Why couldn't he just leave it, as his father was a no-good shirker? That's what Connor had always wanted to believe in the first place. "No, I saved the running for later, for now. All I've ever done is bring misery into people's lives. It's better if I just keep running."

"Are you done now?" Buffy asked.

Angel nodded. He knew she was going to hit him even before the fist came at him. This was almost the same argument they had had Christmas Eve and she had hit him then, too. His head hit the tree, the bark tearing his scalp. He landed hard, a root assaulting his tail bone.

"I wish I had done that," Connor muttered.

"We've had this talk before, Angel, whether or not you are a worthy man. The Heavens opened up and it snowed in southern California. The skies darkened so the sun wouldn't kill you. How many signs do you need before you believe that you have a purpose here." Buffy's fists clenched and unclenched like a pounding heart. "Yes, you've done terrible things but I'd be dead and gone many times over without you. Remember killing that demon and feeding me its heart so I wouldn't go insane from uncontrolled telepathy? I'd be a gibbering idiot locked away if not for you, worse than being dead. You saved the world time and again. What more proof do you need?"

"You tried to break into Quor-toth, a place so terrible there are no passages into it. You told me you tried. That's not running or did you lie?" Connor's eyes were fierce blue slits.

"I didn't lie."

"I need to know, Dad, are you going to run or are you going to be part of our lives? You just told Buffy she was the one who made you live again. Are you just going to walk away from her and forget that? For once in my life, I was able to admit that I need you. Does it mean nothing? Because if the answer is yes, we'll pack up, spend a few days with Spike and Cordy and go home and you won't ever have to see us again."

Angel heard the dead, matter of fact tone of his son's voice. It wasn't a bluff. He picked himself up off the ground, rubbing his battered head. "What do you think I have to offer?"

"You told me you weren't getting older when I told you I needed to figure out my life. The implication was you would be waiting for me. Has that changed?" Buffy's voice trembled as if she was afraid it had.

"You told me it would be years, if ever." Angel hated throwing her words back at her but they had hurt. They had been just one more nail in his coffin.

"Fine. Given what Buffy's told me about the curse, maybe it's just as well you don't love her any more," Connor said.

"I didn't say that."

"Then you do." Connor pushed into Angel's personal space. "The doctors told me I'm a borderline personality, just this side of being a sociopath. That won't ever change. Do you think I don't know how everyone looks at me when I'm with my own daughter? I know they're afraid I'm going to wig out and do something to her. I'm scared to death to be alone with her because I just don't know...there are days when nothing seems real."

"You told me," Angel said, not wanting to hear it again because the pain was too much, like dunking a hand into fire. He wanted his son to be healthy and happy and he didn't see how he could help that. "And I'm scared, too. Don't either of you understand? I'm afraid if I'm with you, something worse is going to happen to you or to the baby. It's paralyzing. You want me to be there, to be strong for you two but I'm not. I think about the miasma of death and destruction that has always surrounded me and then I think about bringing it near that beautiful child and I panic. It feels like I can't breathe and my heart's beating a hundred miles an hour and I know it's all in my head because I don't breathe. My heart doesn't beat but the anxiety is there just the same. Every time I try to live a little, something comes along and crushes that little bit of life."

"So you're not coming back inside," Connor said. "You're going to walk away even though you really want to be with us?"

"I'm humiliated because I wasn't there when you both needed me so much. How do I take that back?" Angel asked.

Connor shrugged and turned on heel, heading for the house. Buffy looked at Angel, shattered. "You always used to know the right thing to do and say. This is so wrong, Angel."

She hadn't taken two steps after Connor when he blurted out, "I love you both so much." They froze and Angel made his choice. "Do you honestly want me back?" He knew he sounded small and weak but at this point, he didn't care. He needed to know.

"We're here, aren't we?" Buffy asked, frustration leaking back into her voice.

"I can't lose either of you again. I won't survive it." Angel hoped they believed him.

"I'm pretty familiar with loss," Connor said with that flat tone that Angel was hearing too often, hating it each and every time. "You know Buffy is, too. None of us will survive alone."

"What he's saying is, Angel, we need you. Maybe you are weak. We all are when we're alone. We're not asking you to drop everything and come back to London with us," Buffy said. "We're just asking for you to stop being a zombie, roaming through the fringes of our life." She held out a hand to him.

Angel went to her and took it. "I can do that. I want to. Seeing Sorcha, realizing how much I had missed and this time it was my own fault, it was too hard."

"She can be a scary little kid. She loves so freely and fiercely it can be overwhelming," Connor said. "And she really likes you. I haven't seen her take to anyone so fast."

Angel knew Connor really had no idea how his daughter acted with people, having really only been out in the world with her little more than a month. Buffy's eyes backed him up. "I can feel that and I'm not sure I'm deserving."

"That's not up to you. Sorcha loves who she loves," Connor said then made a face. "Of course, she really likes Uncle Spike, which I wasn't sure about there being two vampires in her life but Buffy said it's okay."

"I'm not so sure about that but that's not for me to decide either," Angel said.

"Damn straight," Buffy said, without malice. "She adores Spike. Of course, he sends her gifts a lot and I'm kinda glad he's over here because he spoils her rotten as it is. If he were in England with us, I don't even want to think about it." Buffy herded them both back into the house. They all paused at the door to the living room, looking at the tranquil-appearing sense. Angel could sense the underlying tension.

"There you are, I thought we'd have to send a search party out," Cordelia said. "Poor Sorcha's been dying to get to those gifts and it's already past her bed time."

"Sorry, kiddo," Buffy said, ruffling her niece's hair. "Tell you what, you open the gifts and then you can play with them tomorrow and I promise I'll read you your favorite bed time story."

Sorcha considered that then nodded her agreement. She took Cordelia's hand and led her back to the love seat. "Sit, Aunt Cordy." She then directed everyone else to various seats, including putting Angel on the couch.

Buffy brought the gifts over with Connor's help. "Why don't you start with the one from your grandfather?"

Sorcha tore into the bright paper with abandon.

"I found shopping for toys was a bit...confusing," Angel said.

"What's confusing, Peaches? They have age limits right on the box." Spike smirked at him.

"Thank God. Maybe I should have said scary. Toys nowadays seem awfully complicated," Angel fretted, wondering if he had made a huge blunder with the gift.

"That's because the average three year old is smarter than you," Spike said and Cordy elbowed him.

"What is it?" Buffy eyed Spike in warning as well as Sorcha got the paper off her gift.

"Pictures," Sorcha replied.

"It lets the kid doodle and it talks and teaches them words that goes with the doodling stencils...like I said, confusing." Angel hunched in on himself.

"I think it's cool. She'll love that," Buffy said. "We like Vtech toys like that. Between Giles and Willow, I don't think there's anything but intelligence builder toys in the house."

"Thanks, Dad. Buffy's right, she'll enjoy it. What do you say, Sorcha?" Connor prompted.

"Thank you," Sorcha said, already reaching for the next box with the typical greed of a child.

"I found toy shopping as daunting as Angel," Wes said, gesturing at the box Sorcha had. "But it is age appropriate."

Sorcha cooed excitedly at the plastic multi-colored kaleidoscope of gears that would allow her to build her own designs. She was equally excited by the doll Spike had gotten her.

"The bloody thing teaches kids how to speak Japanese," he said.

"Oh good. I'll be listening to it all day just so I don't know less than my niece," Buffy moaned.

High-end clothing from Cordelia rounded out the gifts. Angel saw the irritated look Buffy had in her eyes at the implication that Cordelia didn't think she could dress Sorcha right. Neither woman said anything but Angel knew women well enough to read the body language.

"Come on, sweetie. Time for bed and that story I promised you," Buffy said, scooping the girl up.

"No." Sorcha pointed at Angel. "Granddad read."

Angel's eyes widened. "Me?"

The little girl bobbed her head.

"She'll make you read it at least twice. Her current favorite is _Fox in Socks_." Connor grinned.

Angel followed Buffy up to the spare bedroom, feeling ridiculously nervous as Buffy got the little girl ready for bed. Sorcha bounced in, not looking particularly tired but given all the jet lag, she had to be messed up internal-clock-wise. She gave his cheek a big kiss as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I'll be downstairs if you run into trouble," Buffy said, smiling at him as if she expected him to be hollering for help in under three minutes.

"I think I can handle this," He assured her and started reading to his grandchild. As she settled down, her big blue eyes, closing, he couldn't imagine anything more perfect. Now if he could only kill the voice in the back of his head that warned, trouble was on the horizon


	4. Love Renewed

__CHAPTER FOUR

Buffy hesitantly went into Angel's suite. She hadn't seen him all day and she was getting worried. Yes, it was day light but that didn't mean much. Angel could come out in his light-proof house and he wasn't much of a sleeper. All she could think was his sudden turn around had been a convincing fake. She tried to put her paranoia out of mind and get some much needed relaxation.

Wes, Willow and Cordy had taken Sorcha to the beach, giving her a chance to unwind. Spike had corralled Connor, taking him to Lorne's new demon Kareoke bar that was necro-glassed as well. She left strict instructions with Spike not to give Connor any alcohol because it didn't go with his medicine. Buffy took advantage of her aloneness to take a two hour bath in Wes' claw-footed tub that could easily fit two people. She took one of Willow's books with her, reasoning it would be more interesting than anything on Wes' bookshelf. Who knew Willow was into British detectives? She made it a good way into Abbot's _Touching Evil _before she could no longer justify floating around in a warm, watery paradise.

Her leisurely bath over, her toes like raisins and her skin smelling or rose oil, she went looking for company but the house was still empty. Worry set in. What if Angel had reneged on his promise and took off on them? She had to find him just to put her mind at rest.

His austere living room was dark and empty, making fear kick up her heart rate. She padded softly into his bedroom and sighed. He was curled up on his side, hand press to his mouth like he might have been sucking his thumb in his sleep. It wouldn't surprise her. Vampires were all about the sucking.

She studied his muscled body in the dark. His large form had it all over Spike's wiry one and Buffy tromped on those comparison thoughts before they got off to a roller coaster of estrogen highs. She couldn't see Angel's strange tattoo at this angle and was suddenly overcome by the desire to join him in that bed and just study the blue ink chastely, reverently. That kiss over Caleb's fallen body nearly four years ago had proved one thing, she still had a torch for Angel; screw torches, it was a freaking bonfire.

That's what had scared her so much. Buffy knew she could get lost in Angel and never find herself again. She couldn't allow that to happen. She turned to go and heard him moving on the bed.

"Buffy?" His voice was dazed and thick with sleep.

"Sorry, Angel. I didn't mean to wake you. It's nearly four in the afternoon and I hadn't seen you."

"So you came to make sure I didn't take off," he said without rancor.

Her lips twisted into a wry smile. "Yeah."

"I promised I'd stay." He brushed at his hair, still sleepy. "You gave me the kick in the ass I needed last night."

"No kicking today," she promised and an image of what she'd like to do to that ass blipped into her mind. Given most of the ass she had seen in the last few years consisted mostly of Connor's skinny one, Giles' old one and Xander's slowly widening one - all thankfully clothed views, with a few exceptions made for Connor - she figured she was currently butt-obsessed because she was plain, old-fashioned horny. It had been three years since the last time she had sex. He had been a young Watcher in Italy, his Latin words of lust slipping into her ears, making the romantic setting that much more enticing.

Since then it was slaying by night, official Watcher-type stuff and training new Slayers in the day. The rest of her time was crowded with diapers, baby bottles, colic, fights over nap and bath time and then there was the distance-learning degree she was working on just because Joyce had been so proud of her being in college that she wanted to earn that degree to honor her mom's memory. She was spread too thin. There just wasn't time for a boyfriend or even meaningless sex.

"I can't believe it's that late." Angel flopped onto his back. "It was like I hadn't sleep in years."

"You probably haven't, at least not well," Buffy said, sympathetically. "Trust me, I know. You probably needed it. I shouldn't have woken you up."

"It's fine. You're only here for a few days and I'm sleeping it away." He scrubbed his face with a big hand, trying to wake up.

"You didn't miss much, just me taking a long, long bath," she said and he smirked. "Okay, so maybe you would have liked to see that." Her cheeks pinked up.

The smirk grew. "I wouldn't have said no."

"Men." She grinned, flattered.

He tilted his head back into the pillow, drinking in the air. "Nice bath oils, rose and a hint of sandalwood."

"I guess this time it's okay to be sniffing me." She tried to wipe the grin off her face. "Sorcha is at the beach which meant you couldn't go anyhow. Spike took Connor to Lorne's club."

Angel sat up straight. "You let my son go somewhere with Spike?"

"I promised to break Spike if Connor didn't come back whole."

"You do know Connor's of the mind the only good vampire is a dusted one," Angel said, bunching the sheet around his waist as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"He won't hurt, Spike. Sorcha likes him too much," Buffy said, heading for the door. "I'll let you do what you have to." She gestured at the bathroom with a hint of a blush on her cheeks. "I'll be in the living room."

Buffy didn't go to the living room. Instead she went into the tiny kitchen and took out some pig's blood. She microwaved it in a mug for him. It was ready when he joined her, fully dressed. "I thought you might be hungry but I wasn't sure if you wanted a straw or not. I don't see any."

"No straw." He took the mug from her. "Thanks, Buffy."

"Everyone should be back soon." Buffy sat on the broken down couch.

He didn't join her, keeping his back to her, shyly drinking. "Angel, I don't mind if you eat in front of me. You eat in front of the rest of your friends."

He looked over his shoulder at her. "I always feel self-conscious."

"Come, sit. I don't care." She patted a wide, orange flower in the hideous couch pattern.

"You probably saw Spike eat. He's not shy about it." Angel grumped, sitting down.

"He can be down right gross about it, when he has a mind to be." She wrinkled her nose.

"You don't have to tell me. I've had to put up with Spike since the 1800's, Buffy. The nicest part of being off on my own for most of the twentieth century, it was Spike-Free." Angel grinned broadly.

She elbowed him lightly. "Spike's not so bad."

Angel gave her the hairy eyeball. "Last month, he put that hot pepper arthritis stuff in my hair gel. Luckily I could smell it but not until after I got it on my hands."

Buffy pursed her lips. "Do I want to know why?"

"I'd be lying if I said I knew." Angel shrugged. "Probably his idea of a joke. He always did love pulling the tiger's tail." He took a long drink. "Is Sorcha liking it here?"

"She's having fun. She's still a little sleepy with all the time changes and I think we lost a day." Buffy's brow creased. "Or did we gain one? Anyhow, she's been playing with all her new toys. She loves the doodling thing you got her."

"Good." Angel sighed in relief then a hint of panic touched his eyes as he struggled to find a safe topic. Buffy could see he was walking on eggshells with her. "And now Sorcha's at the beach you said."

Buffy relaxed, knowing they were both feeling the same tension and was glad to remain in calm waters. "Yep. She likes the beach. She likes going on nature walks more. Connor's into it, surprisingly enough, which usually leaves him with Giles who I guess used to hike and kayak and all that jazz which I just can't see it but... Giles is sort of a slow hiker with his busted up leg but so's Sorcha so it works out."

Angel took another sip of blood. "Connor probably feels at home out there. It's doubtful Quor-Toth had cities. Maybe you or Faith should go out with Connor someday, get in a good hike."

"Do I look like a country girl?" Buffy rolled her eyes.

Angel eyed her. "There's got to be one Slayer who likes to hike."

"I'll check into it." Buffy sighed. "I suppose one hike with him won't kill me."

Angel set the mug aside. "Thanks, Buffy for all you've done for Connor. I can't pay you back for you being there to help him."

"You don't have to pay me back, Angel. Your son needed help. He is family now." She brushed her hair out of her eyes. It had gotten long. She had grown it Dawn-length without even realizing it. Even in a pony tail it was becoming a liability on patrol. She'd have to get it cut. "Not sure I was ready for a brother, mind you, but he's not so bad." She smiled softly.

"I should have..." Angel trailed off.

Buffy scooted closer to him on the couch, resting a hand on his knee. "Maybe but you didn't and now you have to let that go because you can't change it."

"Easier said than done but I'm trying." His face was mobile with the effort needed to hold his emotions in.

Buffy leaned in to kiss him but Angel slipped a hand up, stopping her. She gave him a hurt look.

"I taste like blood," he told her. If vampires could blush, she was sure he would be.

"I don't care."

She moved his hand aside and kissed him. His lips did have a metallic, salty taste and she didn't mind. She had meant the kiss to just be comforting but that gave way to ravenous hunger. Her arms slid around his neck, her tongue plunging into his blood-warmed mouth. Angel's grip tightened around her, pulling her into his lap. It was like it was 1998 and they were two innocent lovers, lost in each other to the exclusion of all else. The smell of him over powered her senses, leaving the core of her hot and dewy. She could feel his interest pressing against her hip, which was a change since high school days. He used to be in better control of himself but she didn't care. She wanted it, no needed it and he couldn't give it to her.

She broke the kiss, laying her cheek on his shoulder. "I think we're getting into the danger zone."

His fingers trailed up her neck, lingering over the scar he put there once. "Not really. It's not the sex, it's the happiness. I don't think I'm in danger of being happy any time in the near future. Just knowing the risks is enough to spoil true happiness...at least I think so."

"But you don't know." Buffy leaned into his touch, sounding miserable.

"It's kinda worked in the past," he admitted reluctantly.

He shifted under her and Buffy saw the embarrassment in his eyes. "Darla," she said for him.

"I was thinking of someone else but yes, Darla."

"Wait." Her eyes narrowed. "Someone else?"

"I don't want to talk about it. It wasn't my idea. It was a spell." He looked at her curiously. "Spike didn't tell you? I thought for sure it would be the first thing he did, since he's the one who caught us."

"No, he never told me a word. Well, he let slip about him and Harmony once and thought I'd be mad. I told him I didn't care. You're both grown men. I've never expected either of you to sit on the shelf waiting for me," she lied. She had expected it, at least of Angel.

He turned his head away, crossing his arms protectively. "Like I said, I don't want to talk about it. Working with her was bad enough. Lorne's spell forcing us to sleep together was humiliating and made me want to clean my skin with fire."

Buffy cupped his chin, making him look at her. Lust had dissipated and she wasn't sure if she was relieved or upset. "You wouldn't be this upset over Cordy, Fred or Harmony. I guess there're hundred of women working at Wolfram and Hart." Her blood iced. "Was it Eve?"

His chin slipped out of her grip. "It was a spell. I'd sooner kill her than touch her. And don't think it didn't occur to me. Angelus is inside me rattling his cage begging for just one kill and I was thinking, 'who'd know'?"

"I'd have forgiven you that kill," Buffy said, cold, almost approving of the idea. "And what happened wasn't your fault. I don't blame you."

"Thanks. Just don't tell Connor." Angel touched her cheek. "He might not be so rational."

"I won't tell him. Believe me, Angel. I thought coming here now was too soon for him but he seems to be doing okay." Buffy shifted on Angel's lap. "Did we show you the pills you have to give him if he has a wig out?"

"No, and you'd better. If he freaks out, it's just me you and Spike who can handle him." Angel rubbed her shoulders.

"I know. Sorcha has his strength." Buffy leaned into his hands. "It makes me nervous leaving her in the Watchers' day care but since all the other girls there are tiny Slayers, I guess it's okay."

"It looks like you're doing a wonderful job with her, Buffy." Angel kissed her neck.

Buffy purred her thank you as her mouth hunted his down. They had almost returned to the crest of their lust when Angel pulled away. "What?" She nipped his adam's apple.

"Spike and Connor are back."

"You can hear them?" she asked, disappointed.

"Not what they're saying but I can hear their voices." He looked at her with a little pout. "And that means they can hear us."

"What? They couldn't stay at the bar a little longer," she whined, getting off his lap.

"Lorne's with them?" Angel cocked his head, getting a better listen.

"That's not a problem, is it?"

"No, we're still friends with Gunn and Lorne. We just have differing agendas now." Angel got up.

Buffy slipped her hand into his and they headed into the main part of the house. Spike, lolling on the couch, took one look and said, "Oh great. Is he evil again?"

Angel flipped him off. "If I were, you'd be the first to know."

Connor sniffed the air. "Maybe you better check and make sure he isn't, Lorne."

Buffy let Angel's hand go. "Okay, ground rules. It applies to all of you, no sniffing me. The next person who sniffs like a dog gets to do his next bout of sniffing with a broken nose." She wagged a fist for emphasis.

"Pushy," Spike said.

"I don't mind," Connor said, grinning.

"Faith's right, you do like us to crack the whip on you, don't you?" Buffy rolled her eyes.

"That's probably why Angel's staking out his territory again. Probably worried what you and the kid are up to, what with you living together raising a baby and all." Spike grinned wickedly.

"Spike!" Buffy growled.

"See?" Angel pointed at the blond vampire. "You're always emailing me and telling me not to be mean to Spike when I complain about him. He starts it. Tell him to stop being mean to me."

"Ooo, look, you can get angry and whiney." Spike's eyes danced. "I was beginning to wonder and let me tell you, it's a bloody sight better than you wandering around here like an empty shell of yourself. I was ready to just put you out of your misery. I'll take anger any day."

"I see. You irritate me out of love and concern for my feelings," Angel said then cuffed Spike on the back of the head like an errant child.

Spike rubbed the back of his head, looking at Connor. "Does he treat you like this, too?"

Connor shook his head then smiled one of those huge manic smiles of his that always made Buffy worried. "I get slammed into walls. I'm the threat. You're just the bad grandson, not really something to worry about it."

"You think?" Spike growled.

"I know. Just ask Dad. I'm Oedipus and he's Laius," Connor said.

Buffy saw Angel grimace and she tried to remember if she had actually bothered to read Oedipus in high school or had she cheated and bluffed her way through. It was the latter she decided since all she could remember was Oedipus married his mom and she didn't see how it applied.

"I guess you get Angelus' jibes now," Angel said with all the air of a man ready to self-flagellate.

"A classical education was one of the bonus' of Wolfram and Hart's tampering," Connor said. "Don't worry, I'm not ready to run out and blind myself. I'll settle with showing Spike which of us is the alpha male."

"That would be me," Angel said, with a wide goofy grin.

Spike snorted. "Sonny boy and me would be happy to prove you wrong."

"That's right, boys, get it all out of your systems now before Sorcha gets home." Buffy gave them all the evil eye. "And Lorne, it's nice to see you again."

"Thanks, Honey-cakes. It's nice to see you, too. Hope you don't mind me just inviting myself over but I couldn't wait to see the little tyke," Lorne said, giving Buffy a hug.

"It's fine but she's still at the beach with the others. They should be back any minute." Buffy glanced at the clock.

"I hear the Suvie in the drive now," Spike said.

"Angel, Gunn wanted to come tomorrow to dinner and see the little one," Lorne said. "Think that'll be all right?"

"I don't know what Buffy and Connor have planned for her, but if that's okay with them, sure." Angel looked to his son and Buffy for an answer.

"No plans," Connor said, getting up off the couch to meet his daughter as she ran in, all oily, sandy and tanned.

"Daddy," she screeched as he lifted her up in a hug. "Down, Daddy."

At her insistence, he let her go and she raced over to greet Buffy, then bounced on Spike's lap, finally attaching herself to Angel's leg. She looked up at Lorne then at her grandfather, her little fingers tightening on the cotton of his pants. "Good demon?"

"Good demon." Angel scooped her up and took her closer to the green-skinned demon. "Sorcha, this is Lorne."

"Hi Sugar-Kitten, aren't you the sweetest thing?" Lorne smiled at her.

Sorcha reached out and pulled Lorne's horns.

"Sorcha, don't be pushy," Buffy scolded but her niece gleefully ignored her as her little fingers kept a death grip on the red spikes.

"It's okay," Lorne said, patting Sorcha's arms. "That's a type of greeting among my people."

Sorcha let go and shifted so she could put her arms around Angel's neck. "Horsie back ride," she insisted.

"Not just now, young lady," Buffy said, plucking Sorcha away. "You need a bath first. You're still covered in sun tan lotion."

"We did our best to wipe her off but that stuff just doesn't want to come off. It's the water-proof stuff," Willow said, her nose still white from the zinc she put on it. She looked exhausted. Wes even more so. Cordelia was as coifed as usual.

"How'd you get roped into this, Wes?" Angel asked. "You're not really a day at the beach kinda guy."

"I'm the only one with a car big enough for everyone and a baby seat," the Watcher said, slumping into a chair, wilting like he had heat stroke. "And I can be the beach kind of guy."

Cordy and Willow tried not to snicker at that.

"You're lobster red," Angel said, biting his bottom lip so not to smile.

"Yes, I think I miscalculated the SPF required," Wes said, woefully.

"Should have borrowed Willow's. She makes Spike look dark" Cordy said and Willow looked offended. "And speaking of that, Spike, don't forget you have that appointment with the tanning salon. You are not taking me to Harmony's wedding looking like that."

A horrified look crossed Spike's face, "Bloody hell woman, we've talked about this."

"You can tan?" Connor raised an eyebrow.

"Airbrush tanning," Cordy said and Angel burst out laughing. Buffy looked at the elder vampire, surprised. Had she ever heard Angel laugh so openly and full heartedly?

"Thanks, luv," Spike said, taking out his cigarettes. He headed out the door.

"Did you train him not to smoke in the house?" Buffy asked, around her own giggles at the idea of an airbrushed Spike. "How'd you do that?"

"Superior hen pecking techniques," Wesley put in, ignoring Cordelia's glare.

"Dare I ask who Harmony is marrying?" Buffy asked.

"David Nabbit. You don't know him. We helped him out a few times. Xander and he had all the geeky stuff in common," Angel replied.

"I can't see Harmony going for that type," Buffy said.

"Well, David has like millions and millions of dollars," Cordy said.

"And he likes demon women," Angel added and Buffy's eyes widened at the idea.

Cordelia looked a little dreamy at the idea of marrying money. "She's getting married in the park here on Watcher's grounds next weekend. David wanted a Renaissance styled wedding. You should see my bridesmaid gown."

"Vampires marry?" Connor looked dubious.

"Not usually but this is Harmony we're talking about," Angel said.

"I almost wish I could see that," Buffy said.

"It's being put on DVD. They're sending us a copy," Willow said brightly, "Here, I'll go take Sorcha for her bath."

"After you're done, Red," Spike called in from his spot under the living room window where he wouldn't miss a word. "Go look up that re-souling spell. You're gonna need it."

"I told you we should plant something with thorns under that window, Wes," Angel growled.

"Ewww, not you two again," Cordelia said, eyeing Buffy.

"We foolishly left them alone in the house," Spike jeered.

"I have an orb of Thesula, should you need it Willow." Wes smiled.

"You do?" Angel asked. Buffy heard the slightly crushed tone in his voice. "Where?"

"I'm not telling you that." Wes shot Angel a look that said, 'Don't be stupid.' "If you know, then Angelus will know. Just know that I do have one hidden out."

"Don't let them tease you." Willow held out her arms for Sorcha. "And I'll be ready."

"You're a help, Will." Buffy rolled her eyes again, turning over her niece.

"Don't wanna bath." Sorcha squirmed.

"Sure you do. And when you're done, we'll put in the Tweenies and you can sing the Hokey Pokey with them." Willow kissed the girl's cheek.

"Hokey Cokey," Sorcha corrected her for the Tweenies version of the song then sang a few licks of it loudly and off key.

Buffy saw Lorne's eyes narrowing as Willow carried the girl upstairs. Connor slithered off the couch and she knew he had seen it, too. Angel was already at Lorne's side.

"You saw something," Angel said.

Lorne shook his head. "No."

"Liar," Connor growled.

Lorne bristled, moving so Angel was between him and Connor. "Look, kid, it's not that accurate with children. They have such unformed minds, it's hard to read them. She's happy being here, though."

"And the bad part, tell us Lorne. We'd rather know than not," Angel insisted.

The green demon shook his head. "I don't know if it's bad or not. I just see this big nothing around her. Like there's something I should be seeing but can't."

Connor's lips skinned back in a ferocious predatory manner. "I don't like that."

"Neither do I, kiddo, but that's all I got." Lorne tried to look supportive. "There's enough fire power in this house to keep anyone safe," Lorne said.

"We'd better hope so," Angel said.

Buffy suddenly wanted to pack them all up and head back to London, put Sorcha in the dungeon of the Watchers' complex and guard her until she was old enough to fend for herself. Instead, she went upstairs to check on her niece. She heard Connor mumbling something but she ignored it. She couldn't ignore that Angel was right behind her.

"I know she'll be okay, Angel. I just have to check," she said without looking.

"I'm not arguing. Connor went into the kitchen to get a pill bottle." Angel sighed heavily. "I guess he knows which ones he's supposed to take."

"He knows. He's gonna get sleepy, Angel, just so you know. Those pills wipe him out." Buffy went into Sorcha's room. She indicated for Angel to wait in the bedroom area while she went into the bathroom. She whispered a warning to Willow so not to alarm her niece then went back out to Angel. "Willow knows. Believe me, an angry Willow is a scary thing. Sorcha will be fine."

Angel looked up from Doodles, which he had in hand. Buffy realized he was drinking in his grandchild's scent from the toy. "Good. This is kinda cute."

"You sent it to her," Buffy said, knowing he hadn't. He gave her a puzzled look. "Spike sent it and forged your name."

Angel hugged the stuffed animal, burying his face in it. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I've been a terrible man to you since it all happened."

"I haven't been very good to you myself." She took his arm, leading him out of the room. "Someone should have made sure you were getting help and we didn't. We left you alone in your darkness, Wes, too."

"We wouldn't have let you take us out of our darkness," he assured her, pulling her to him.

Buffy snuggled in. "All I wanted tonight was some time alone with you, or at least get in some patrolling. I think Faith's right. If I don't get out there, I get all this energy with nowhere to put it."

"We could still go. Willow's magic is better protection than you or I could be. Connor might not be up to par on his fighting skills after being in the hospital for so long but I know how he'll fight for his family. Cordy, Spike, Wes, any of them, Lorne and Gunn, too. Sorcha will be safe here. There's a sanctuary spell on the house. It works a little like Spike's chip did. No violence can happen inside these walls," Angel assured her.

Buffy kissed him. "Once she's in bed, we'll go patrol."

"She's escaped!" Willow cried. "Heading your way, Buffy."

Buffy turned and saw a wet, naked toddler dashing down the stairs. Angel scooped her up and Sorcha giggled. Angel head back up the steps.

"You need clothes, young lady, we've been over this." Buffy looked at Angel. "She's big on streaking. I think she inherits that from her daddy."

Angel's eyes widened as he smiled. "Uh-huh."

"No, really. There were times when he wouldn't wear clothes in the hospital." Buffy shuddered. "Usually when he was in his 'turning his room into a barricaded maze' phase. Sometimes it spilled out into the wooden hospital grounds. He liked living like Tarzan. I never told you since he was safe out there. They have a spell on the place that works like an invisible dog fence."

"Oh." Angel's face fell. "Sorry you had to see that."

"No sorrier than me." She shrugged. "I look at Sorcha and realize she's gonna grow up a skinny little weed. I mean, Connor and Dawn together barely weighed a hundred pounds."

"My son weights more than a hundred pounds." Angel shifted his slippery grandchild on his hip. "He does, doesn't he? I know he looks like a ninety pound weakling. Here you go, Willow." Angel surrendered Sorcha into the towel Willow held.

"You're a naughty girl," Willow chided, standing Sorcha on the bed toweling her off. Sorcha giggled and danced.

"Wills, I might go out on patrol tonight," Buffy said. "Can you keep an eye on Sorcha?"

"You bet. Cordy and I were gonna have a girls night and look at all the stuff she's done for Harmony's wedding."

"Oh, gee that sounds..." Buffy trailed off, looking to Angel for help.

"Dull, but she's excited about it so I figured why not?" Willow shrugged.

They all returned to the living room. Connor was draped over the love seat. Buffy could see the drug already kicking in, the young man's eyes glazed. She felt Angel stiffen beside her at the sight of Connor's vacant expression and she gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

"We ordered pizza," Cordy said. "No one felt like going out."

"Works for me," Buffy said.

Sorcha grabbed Angel's hand and dragged him over to the kaleidoscope thing Wes had bought her. "You play."

Buffy smiled as Angel sat and obeyed. Sorcha rounded up Spike and planted him next to Angel. "You play, too."

"Oh boy, I get to play with Angel, a dream come true." Spike hugged Angel.

"We will be alone again some day, Spike. You wouldn't want to rue that day, now would you?" Angel's voice was light but Buffy saw the fire in his eyes. Spike just laughed, letting him go.

Sorcha ran over to the couch then stopped short, looking at her father's eyes. "Daddy's sick."

"I'm fine." He stroked her hair, struggling to get up. "Just sleepy. I can play, too though."

She pushed him back. "Sleep, Daddy."

Connor settled back down. "Thanks, sweetie."

"Aunt Buffy, put on the Tweenies," she demanded then after a few beats remembered the magic word. "Please."

"Don't you want to play with Granddad and Uncle Spike?" Buffy asked.

"They play. I watch," Sorcha said.

"Okay."

"Dad, Spike, a word of warning, do not look directly at the tv," Connor said with exaggerated solemnness

"He's not kidding. It will give you brain damage." Willow tried to look stern and authoritative but she couldn't stop the little grin pricking at her lips.

Buffy sat back, once the DVD was going and Sorcha plopped down, and watched the two vampires trying to out build each other with plastic gears.

Wes leaned over and said, "I'm going to have to go out and buy those two the big Lego set."

Buffy laughed and wagged a finger as both vampires snapped upright, death in their eyes. "Spike, you say something that I have to work hours to remove from Sorcha's brain, I'll beat you."

"Once wouldn't hurt," Spike said.

Connor snorted. "Did she tell you the daycare pageant story?"

Angel set aside a blue gear, looking up curiously. "No."

"Me and Connor are at the parent's night pageant thing they had for the kids. The teacher was doing the A is for Apple, kind of thing trying to show how much the students know. We get to B and Sorcha pipes up with 'B is for boobies'." Buffy felt her face burn as she remembered the incident.

"Buffy beat on Faith for about an hour for teaching her that one." Willow grinned.

"Hey, at least she knew B is for boobies. That's pretty smart," Angel said.

"That's what your son said...must be a guy thing to be proud of that." Buffy glowered at him. "I was so embarrassed. Everyone was looking at me like I was a bad mother. Connor was too busy laughing his fool head off."

"It was funny." Connor protested. "Not as funny as the tea party story but funny."

"Don't you dare," Buffy threatened then the door bell rang. "Saved by pizza." She raced for the door, pausing only to grab the wad of twenties Cordelia passed her to pay for it. Willow shut off the Tweenies and all the noise that was associated with it and set Sorcha back at the coffee table. Wes helped Buffy with the pizza boxes. "I'm just setting it in the kitchen. Everyone for themselves."

Buffy got a slice of plain cheese for Sorcha. Her niece actually liked pepperoni but tended to gorge and give herself a bellyache so she was restricted to cheese alone. Sorcha settled, Buffy got the double meat, double cheese for herself after making sure Connor actually took enough food to live on. He had a tendency to ration it, a hold over from his hard life in hell. When she got into the living room Sorcha was trying to make Angel eat a bite of pizza. "Sorcha, Granddad doesn't like pizza. You eat that piece."

The girl pushed her lower lip out. "Why?"

"He just doesn't like it," Buffy said then added in a whisper "And for future reference, Angel, never eat something she hands you. Palm it. God knows where it was before she decided you need it."

"Which brings us back to the tea party," Connor said, brightly.

"Shut up, Mr. Big Ears," Buffy warned.

"Tell me," Angel insisted, leaning forward in anticipation.

"Buffy, Willow and Faith were having a tea party with Sorcha," Connor said.

"This is funny already," Spike interrupted.

"I know." Connor beamed. "Anyhow, they were letting Sorcha serve. They're all there in their little bonnets, not sure where they got them. Xander had to sneak in to take pictures for blackmail purposes, thank God. That's when he learned Sorcha was filling the tea pot and pouring them drinks from the toilet bowl." Connor's grin threatened to split his face in two. Cordy nearly choked on her pizza. Spike, Angel and Wes laughed until fat tears were running down their faces.

Buffy got up and slapped Connor on the chest. It echoed dully. "Thanks for nothing."

"Aunt Buffy! We don't hit," Sorcha said, parroting Buffy's oft-used reprimand.

"Yeah, we don't hit," Connor said, rubbing his chest, wincing.

"I'll get you back for this." Buffy grabbed his shoulders shaking him but Connor just smiled.

"Yeah, she and Angel will be...friendly where you can hear them." Spike said and Buffy hit him, too. Sorcha grunted angrily at her aunt.

"Ewww, how am I supposed to eat now?" Connor moaned.

"Just eat and I promise you that I don't want to be anywhere you'll overhear me,"Angel said

"That's the nicest thing you've done for me ever," Connor assured him and Angel's brow lowered.

"Spike, I'm going to stop telling Angel to be nice to you, but not until I ask a favor," Buffy said.

Spike didn't look concerned. "Ask away."

"Angel and I are going patrolling tonight."

"So that's what we're calling it," Spike said, a smarmy expression on his face. Cordy just rolled her eyes, executing the hair flip she perfected in high school.

Buffy shook a fist at him. "Would you stay here for a while tonight? Cordy and Willow are going to be watching Sorcha."

"Just until the wedding talk drives me nuts and I have to run away with Lorne and Wes," Spike said.

"Spike." She eyed him.

He waved her down. "Of course I'll stay."

"I don't mean for all night. Just until everyone's ready for bed. Connor looks ready right about now," Buffy said.

"Stupid medicine," he said. "I'll take the room with Sorcha tonight. I think both of us will be ready to go to sleep soon."

Buffy nodded, thinking Sorcha had far more energy than her dad at the moment. She finished her pizza, insisted on horseback rides from Spike and Angel, dragged every toy they had brought with them out to show to Angel, Spike and Lorne and finally when Buffy insisted it was bed time, she wanted Uncle Spike to read her bedtime story. Buffy took that opportunity to snag Angel and run.

He barely had time to get the keys to his 'new' car, a 1970 blue Super Bee. "Where should we start?"

"Just drive." Buffy slammed the door and didn't look back.

They put distance between them and the Watchers' complex where Angel lived. They wound up at the beach. It was cool and the sounds of the waves were calming. Angel got out and helped Buffy from of the car. They walked down to the surf.

"Not much demon activity here to patrol," she said, thankful for it.

He nodded. "Probably the closest thing was the time Connor jumped me and sealed me in that metal coffin."

Buffy canted her eyes up at him. "This is where it happened?"

He waved a hand at the beach. "More or less."

Buffy wondered at what would make him bring her to such a place. "Why'd you bring me here?"

"You looked like you needed to just get away and unwind, Buffy. We both know we aren't going to do any patrolling tonight." He smiled gently in the moonlight. "Besides, it's nice here in spite of my bad memories."

She took his hand and started up the beach slowly. "I know."

They didn't walk far before falling into their old routine of kissing and exploring each others bodies all the while keeping an eye out for danger. It felt normal and right to them. Finally, Buffy pulled her lips away from his, pressing her body against his chest.

"Were you serious earlier about the loophole for the curse?" She hated the need in her voice but she couldn't help it.

"I was but I wasn't telling you that because...I know you want to go and find yourself, Buffy. I didn't mean to put on any...," he floundered.

"Oh, hush, Angel. I know why you told me." She pressed her fingers to his lips. "I've found myself. I'm a Slayer and an aunt to a precocious three year old Slayer and a friend to the oddest assortment of people ever to be found and that's enough. I might not be done baking but it's close enough. I need you. Spike told us once we'd never just be friends and he was right. I want you. I'm tired of waiting. I need you. It has been so long...."

Angel kissed the top of her head. "I feel the same."

"Only I don't...not here. I've never been a fan of sand on bare skin." She looked at him sheepishly.

He snorted. "The Hyperion is all fixed up now, better than the last time you saw it. Gunn gave me the penthouse for my own use since I more or less own the building. I never use it but we'll be out of ear shot of anyone...and there's the cage in the basement if things somehow go wrong."

"They won't," she said quickly. "You just keep worrying about the curse. That'll keep it from being perfect."

"You deserve perfect," he whispered.

"Yeah well, I'm happy with almost." She pulled him toward the car, feeling desperate now. She needed a release. Fingers and double A batteries only went so far. It took care of the physical but not the soul. She needed his love more than she needed his body.

Angel showed off the Super Bee's big engine, roaring through town to the Hyperion. It was mostly deserted as they went to the penthouse. Here, there were signs Angel lived a little. The artwork Buffy remembered him liking, the Asian flavor. Most of it went past her in a blur on the way to the bed. It smelled musty from disuse but she didn't care.

She knocked him down onto it, tearing her shirt off over her head. Angel didn't have to be told of the urgency. He was already naked by the time she climbed on top on him. Their coupling was fast, furious and raw. Buffy held him afterwards, holding her breath, fearing the worse but nothing happened other than his tender administrations slowly initiating round two.

They were both exhausted, having drowsed some when she shook him awake. "We should get back. It'll be dawn soon," she said, not wanting to leave the bed but not knowing if this room was safe for him.

"We have time," he said, pulling her on top of him. There were no signs of Angelus she was happy to note.

She showed him again that she had learned a lot of things about pleasing a man since their first time together then insisted they dress and go home. She fully planned on napping the morning away at his side, and to hell with any teasing she might have to hear about it later.

The sky was a purplish grey when they pulled into the drive. Cordy's mini-Cooper was gone so Buffy assumed it was just Wes, Willow and Connor inside.

"Think we can check on her without waking her up?" Angel said as they went inside.

"She'll be up soon enough but sure."

They crept upstairs. The room was cool, the window wide open. Buffy noticed the screen was gone before she realized Sorcha wasn't in the hump of bedding. A soft moan dragged her attention upwards. Connor was fastening to the ceiling in a webbing that glowed with magic, his mouth sealed shut by it. It put Buffy in mind of something she had seen Willow use once.

"Oh, Angel, Sorcha's..." Buffy felt her legs go weak.

"Willow!" Angel bellowed. "Wes, Willow!"

Angel ran into the room, jumping on Connor's bed, trying to grab his son down off the ceiling. He wasn't able to budge him. Willow came in, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Wes stumbled out of his room.

"What is it?" Willow asked then followed Buffy's pointing arm. "Oh Goddess! _Teasairg_!"

At the unbinding spell's utterance, Connor fell, Angel barely able to control his descent. They crashed on the bed. Connor spat, colorful glowing bits trailing out of his mouth. "They took her!" he moaned.

"Who took her?" Buffy crowded on the bed with them, grabbing Connor by his bare shoulders. "Who did this?"

"Magic hid them." Connor trembled violently. "Used it against me before I could move. Don't know the man. Eve was with him."

Buffy's perfect night turned upside down. "I'll kill her."


	5. Bearer of Dubious News

__CHAPTER FIVE

"How did it happen?" Spike asked after dashing into the house under the cover of a blanket. He had ridden to Angel's home cramped in the back of his lover's mini-Cooper. Cordelia beat out the licks of smoke from sunlight that managed to filter through the wool.

"Through the window," Connor said in a dead voice that chilled Angel to the bone. "They hit me with the magic from outside, cut the screen and came in and were gone quickly. They're shielded. I heard him tell Eve that."

"Eve?" Spike snarled. "Can we-" 

"Eat her? Yes, if you want something that nasty stuck in your teeth," Angel said, meaning it. No one gainsayed him. Angel knew no one would stop him if he punished Eve for this.

"Why did they leave any witnesses alive?" Willow glanced at Connor. "No offense."

"They heard Wes coming up the stairs and panicked." Connor paced the living room.

"There's a Sanctuary spell on the house. They couldn't have killed Connor," Wes put in. "Not that they knew that."

"They took my baby." Connor's body shook.

Angel caught up to Connor, putting his hands on his son's shoulders, pulling him to a stop. "I know. We'll get her back." Angel couldn't help flashing back to when his son was a baby. He prayed that Connor would be able to keep it together. He could almost feel Connor's tenuous hold on reality fraying and he didn't know if his son could have more medication or not. He didn't want to just ask Buffy like Connor wasn't standing there.

"Why would anyone do this?" Cordelia gave Connor a hug.

Angel wanted to push her away from his son. He didn't know if she was helping or making it worse. He had no idea if Connor still had feelings for her or if he hated her at this point for how things had turned out with Jasmine. Angel was so out of touch he was practically useless.

"To hurt me," Buffy said. "Or Angel or maybe just to have someone with that much power. Sorcha's a child. She can be molded and when she grows up, she'll be dangerous."

"That could very well be why Eve wanted her. The Senior Partners have pulled out of the L.A. branch of Wolfram and Hart but they're in Seattle and Las Vegas in the west and there's a dozen more branches in this country alone. I never knew they were that big when I took over. They could want her for any number of reasons for themselves or for someone else," Angel said.

Buffy tore her gaze away from father and son to face her friends. "Willow, do you have what you need to do the finding spell?"

"Wes and I are almost ready," Willow said. "But if Connor's right about them being shielded, this won't work."

"We're going to try it any how," Buffy said then looked up at Angel as he touched her elbow.

He led her aside. "There was something in the room, Buffy, a familiar scent but I can't place it. Did Connor see Ethan in England?"

She shook her head, her golden curls falling over her shoulders. "No, he didn't, none of us actually saw him. You think Ethan was the man with Eve?"

"It's possible. We know they've worked together in the past. It would explained the vaguely familiar scent. Can you have Giles send a picture of Ethan so Connor can see it?" Angel asked.

"I'll call him immediately. See if you can get Connor to lie down." Buffy shifted nervously. "I don't like that look in his eye. He seems crazed and he's topped out on his meds. The only other one we can give him is Haldol and that'll zone him for hours."

"I'll try but he won't do it, trust me. Are you sure about that expression? I know he has to be barely hanging on but that's his normal look, at least the one he always used on me," Angel replied ruefully.

Disbelief gleamed in Buffy's eyes. "Just try." She went to make her call.

Angel put his hand on Connor's shoulder. "Son, you might want to take a break."

"No." Connor's jaw set. "You know I can't."

"What I know is you can't handle too much stress." Angel's fingers tightened, feeling his son's shoulder bones too close to the skin. "You told me that yourself."

"Did you stop for a break when I was taken?" Connor shrugged out of his father's grip.

"That was different," Angel said, thinking he hadn't been insane but maybe at that point when he realized where Holtz had taken Connor, he had been.

"No, it's not and you can't help me. Neither can Spike." Connor gestured at the window. "It's daylight out there. I'm the only one who can track Sorcha before the scent gets too faint. It can't wait until dark."

"You can actually do that?" Willow seemed curious as she poured an aromatic oil in a bowl.

"I can."

"We're ready for the finding spell," Wes said, plunging a pendulum into the oil.

Willow chanted. The oil heated, bubbling furiously then the pendulum stone exploded. Wes jumped back a bit. Willow pouted.

"I'm taking that as they are shielded and it just ate your magic," Angel said.

Willow bobbed her head. "Sorry. We'll try something else. Connor and Buffy could get on out there now while the rest of us do the book thing."

"I'm ready," Connor said.

Buffy set the phone down. "Willow, Giles will be emailing you a picture shortly. Come on, Connor, let's do this."

Buffy felt guiltier than she could remember being in a long time. Not since she had been sneaking around with Spike had remorse hit her so hard. If she and Angel hadn't been at the Hyperion, this wouldn't have happened. Now there was little more she could do other than watch Connor's nostrils flaring as he followed the scent. "You really can do this."

"Father made sure I was good at it," he said and by the formality of it Buffy knew he meant Holtz and not Angel. He jogged to the end of the drive. "They got in a car here."

"Then that's it." Buffy couldn't keep her disappointment out of her voice. This was useless. She knew they had to have driven away.

"Not yet. Get the car," Connor said.

Buffy ran back inside and took Angel's keys. She saw the consternation in his eyes and his wish she could take Wes' SUV but they might need the extra room while she and Connor needed the speed. Of course, she was a lousy driver and had no idea how to handle a stick shift. Cordy ran out and tossed her the keys to her Cooper after hearing the engine in the Super Bee protesting.

"Problems?" Connor asked as he slid inside the tiny car.

"Couldn't drive your dad's car."

"Take a right," he said, rolling down his window.

He hung his head out like a dog. Buffy just hoped he didn't have a break down. If he could track his daughter like he said he could, he might be the only chance they had. If he wigged out, Buffy didn't know what she'd do. "How do you train to be good at this?" Buffy asked, not really wanting to know but if she let silence fill the car, Sorcha's disappearance would overwhelm her, take away the strength she needed.

"Take a left." Connor took a deep breath in. "Father would tie me up and leave me to free myself and find him. It was a good game."

"He did this in the middle of hell?" Buffy truly regretted asking. It wasn't the answer she had been expecting. She couldn't even imagine a parent doing something like that to his child. Worse, Connor seemed to think it was all right. "Weren't you scared?"

"Needed to be strong. Go straight."

"How old were you?"

"Just a few years older than Sorcha. It was scary at first. Hang a right. But later it was one of my favorite games. Not as good as trophy gathering to prove my kills but close." Connor scowled as she stopped for a red light.

"You know, Connor, that wasn't right to do." She had images of him tying Sorcha to a tree and running off.

"Why not? You're training Sorcha to fight," Connor said, shoving his nose back into the breeze.

"I wouldn't abandoned her in hell," Buffy replied, wondering what Connor would do once they had Sorcha back. Buffy didn't let herself even consider that they might not get her back.

"Didn't have any place else to train me," Connor replied, still obviously missing the point. "Left."

Buffy let it drop. The last thing she needed was to be arguing with him. She would only end up exciting him too much and then they'd be lost. Connor never seemed in doubt as he led her through the city and in the end, Buffy didn't doubt his ability either. He led the way to the airport, right up to the ticket counter to Northwest. Given all the restrictions and fears surrounding flying, Buffy didn't expect to be able to get any information about someone traveling with a little girl. She tried to ask, was summarily told that it was against policy and knew from the look in the agent's eye security would be called, no questions asked. They couldn't even get to a gate because they didn't have a ticket. Buffy didn't doubt that Connor could have taken them right to the gate. The best they could do to follow them now would be to have Cordy and Willow do a computer search on all flights on Northwest between the time of the kidnaping and when she and Connor got to the airport. On the way home she made Connor call and tell Willow that.

"I'm sorry, Connor," Buffy said.

"We did our best," he replied, flatly. The tone frightened her.

"I didn't mean about this. I meant, I should have been home. Angel and I shouldn't have been..." She trailed off. She knew Connor would know exactly what they had been doing. He could smell it.

He shook his head. "Not your fault. If you had been home, it still would have happened. The spell didn't hurt me. It wasn't stopped by the Sanctuary spell. They could have captured us all like that. They would probably have a use for a Slayer. Better you weren't there. We're all together, working. We'll find her. If we all had been here, she might not have anyone in the position to rescue her."

"I know you're right, Connor but still I can't help feel it's my fault."

"If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I was in the damn room with her and they still surprised me. Fucking pills, they make me sleep too hard," he moaned.

Buffy took one hand off the wheel and rubbed his arm. "It's not your fault, Connor. You don't have any magic. Neither do I. They could have caught either of us with that spell, especially casting it from outside, not even confronting you. We're going to get her back."

"I know. I can be a very determined man." His eyes were so intense Buffy felt them burning her.

She knew he wasn't lying. He had been determined enough once to punch his way through dimensions. Nothing would stop him from finding his daughter. "It'll be all right," she said as much for herself as for him.

"I know and Buffy, I'm not mad at you for not being home last night. You needed to be where you were. You love him. I might not understand why, but you do and that's important, too."

"Thanks." She meant that. She didn't expect understanding from him. She knew how he felt about Angel. She was used to her friends, Xander especially, getting down on her for being with Angel. She expected Connor to be furious, as angry as she was at herself. Hearing his words took some of the burden off of her.

When they returned home, Willow greeted them, smelling of sulphur. "We kinda crapped out on the locator spells but we did narrow their destinations down to Seattle, Juneau or Denver."

"Provided they didn't get on another plane," Cordelia added.

Buffy frowned. The last thing she needed was someone dampening her hope.

"Son, here. Giles sent this," Angel said, handing Connor a print out from the computer.

Connor rattled the paper. "This is the guy. He was with Eve last night."

"Ethan?" Buffy asked.

"Ethan," Angel replied grimly.

Connor stared at them in horror. "The one who killed Dawn?"

Buffy nodded. "That's him. I'm going to talk to Giles, get the low down on all Ethan's weaknesses."

"Already done, Slayer," Spike said, holding up a few sheaves of paper.

"We also talked to Gunn. He has a plane at our disposal. It's necro-tempered so Spike and I can go with you. We're trying to figure out how to narrow down the possibilities, trying to see if there's a money trail we can follow," Angel said.

"Only we don't know what names they're using," Cordelia said. "But Juneau is probably too expensive at the last minute. Eve's cheap and Ethan's cheaper."

"In the mean time, Buffy, you and Connor need to sit down and eat even if you don't feel like it," Wes said. "You won't have the reserves otherwise."

Buffy nodded. "I know. But there has to be something more I can do."

"Eat," Angel said. 

"We even have the police looking for Eve and Sorcha," Willow said. "We should call them with Ethan's description. They already have an Amber alert in effect."

"Thanks," Buffy mumbled shocked at how much they had accomplished and how little had come of it.

Someone knocked at the front door. The friends looked at each other, trying to figure out who it could be. Wes went to answer it, pausing to pick up a hefty knife. The man at the door didn't even flinch at the weapon, sidling past it. His hair was mussed and his clothing looked slept in. Buffy didn't know him but from the way Angel flew across the room and pinned the small stranger to the wall, she figured he did.

"Get off me, Angel." The man shoved at the vampire ineffectually.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here after last time," Angel snarled, going to vamp face.

"Well, this time, I'm here to help," the man said.

"Angel, let him go." Buffy laid a hand on Angel's tense arm.

Angel knocked the man into the wall once more but stepped back. "Help with what, Lindsey?"

"I have an idea what Eve did and I might know where she's heading."


	6. The Plan

__ CHAPTER SIX

Justine couldn't stop the trembling in her hands. When she had agreed to work with Eve to get revenge on Angel, she hadn't imagined this was what Eve had in mind. She would never have said yes. Justine had no doubts that Angel would kill over this.

She had no stomach for taking another child. The last time had cost her Daniel and her soul. Now Eve had presented her with Connor's child. If Angel didn't snap her neck, Justine knew Connor would. She wanted a cigarette and a drink. Justine wanted Eve and Ethan gone from her home.

When Wes had set her free, Justine had taken his advice. She got out of the life. First she had run to Utah but thought Connor would know to look for her there so she moved just in case Angel beat it out of the boy. She went someplace small, some where she could hide from it all. She ended up tending bar in Yogi's Den in Hot Springs South Dakota.

It wasn't too bad. Karaoke nights without green demons. Yogi's had darts teams, softballs teams and was haunted by the smells of buffalo burgers, jalapeno poppers and beer. No vampires. The worst she had to contend with were the some times heart breaking alcoholics from the veterans hospital and domiciliary at the top of the hill and the few Lakota imprisoned by genetics and despair.

Sitting back, being normal had been pretty good, a little dull but there was always that nagging fear Angel would find her and pay her back for welding him in that coffin. Eve had offered her a preemptive strike, destroy Angel once and for all. Justine jumped at the chance. If he was gone, she could finally rest easy. Maybe she wouldn't wake up, coated in sweat, shaking from the nightmares, inside her odd little two story home with its sloping floors and ill-fitting walls.

When she picked up Eve and Ethan from the airport, she should have just drove on through without stopping. She should never have brought the tiny terror into her home. Angel's grandchild, she still couldn't wrap her mind around it. She wished she had backed out like her supposed partner in this had done. Lindsey McDonald was supposed to be helping. Justine didn't know him and she wasn't clear on what Eve and Ethan thought they were going to do. Raise the kid in a way that made these agents of evil happy? Justine had no illusions about Eve and Ethan being evil. She knew Eve worked for Wolfram and Hart and knew what they represented.

Justine had dragged herself back from the pit of darkness she had been in, trying to make a life for herself but the lure of hurting Angel had been too great. Now she was smothered in her own maleficence just wishing the child would stop howling. Ethan had cast a spell on Sorcha for traveling, to make her quiet so no one would stop and question them but he refused to do it to make her compliant now. He said it would send out a beacon.

Justine wanted nothing to do with beacons. Angel couldn't find her. She would never survive it. He couldn't get into her home, except she had his kin and didn't doubt the girl would just invite him in if she could. "Sorcha, please, quit crying," she said, exasperated, handing the girl a stuffed white buffalo, hoping to mollify her.

Sorcha shrieked and winged the toy at her. Justine already knew to duck. No one had told her that the child had her daddy's strength. Of course, they never told her that the plan was to kidnap a child and piss Angel off. There were three holes in her living room's walls and blood on the child's torn knuckles from the tantrums she had thrown. Justine didn't know how she was expected to control Sorcha.

She picked up the toy and tossed it back on the couch with Sorcha. "Look, I didn't take you away from your family. I'm trying to be nice to you." She didn't know a damn thing about kids. Did they understand that kind of reasoning? She doubted it.

Sorcha stopped wailing, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her eyes looked just like her father's, cold and dangerous. Justine had already taken all the knives out of the kitchen and locked them in the trunk of her car just in case.

"Juice time," Ethan said, breezing into the room.

"Don't want it." Sorcha beat her heels against the couch and Justine heard the wood frame protesting the battery.

"Of course you do. You drink up and I'll let you play on the computer. Maybe you can send a note to daddy." Ethan put the juice on the end table and cautiously backed away.

"You hurt Daddy." Justine watched the little girl's lips twist into a good approximation of Connor's usual sneer.

"Daddy's not hurt, sweetie. He just took a time out...on the ceiling." Ethan smirked. "Drink up and you can play with the Tweenies online."

Sorcha took the orange juice and drank some. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep.

"You drugged her!" Justine reached over and felt for a pulse, just to make sure they hadn't killed the poor girl. She didn't want a child to get hurt.

"People have been giving alcohol to their kids for centuries to shut them up." He shrugged a slim shoulder then beaconed her to follow. "I just enhanced the process."

Ethan led her outside to where Howl was tied up. Her border collie was her early warning system. She worked for regular intruders just fine and Justine was counting on her to bark at vampires should any turn up. Eve was lounging on the patio furniture, staring at the red earthen hill behind Justine's house.

"It's ugly here," she said.

"I like it. It's rugged," Justine replied. "And I want you two gone. I had no idea this is what you had in mind. What am I going to do with a little girl? I liked Connor. I never wanted to hurt him."

Eve got up. One of her eyes had ballooned shut, a horrible shade of purple from where Sorcha had punched her. It was Justine's first indication they didn't have a normal child on their hands. "It's a little late now, Justine. You wanted to get back at Angel, well you're getting your chance."

"This deal is already tanked," Justine argued. "The guy you thought was helping me is nowhere to be seen."

"Lindsey losing his nerve was a set back," Eve conceded.

"What do you think I'm going to do with this girl?" Justine stabbed a hand toward the house. "Someone in town is bound to notice I suddenly have a kid."

"You won't be here long. Part of the deal is, you play mommy to her and we set you up somewhere nice, safe and comfy. You can fight. You did a damn good job against vampires even though you aren't a Slayer. You can train this little warrior for us," Eve said and Justine got goose flesh in spite of there being no apparent threat in Eve's words.

"I never said I wanted to be in on a deal that takes years, Eve."

"You never asked, Justine," Eve snapped. "You heard 'screw over Angel' and you signed on without details."

Justine fumed. She knew Eve was right about that. "I can't do this."

"Yeah, we're getting that," Ethan said wryly. "I say you talk to your bosses, Eve, and go with plan B."

Eve shot Ethan a filthy look. "Justine, just be ready to move. We'll have you at the new complex in a few days. You'll love it there. It's practically vampire proof. You have nothing to worry about. The brat's just three years old. They forget their parents pretty quickly at that age. You'll be able to handle her."

Justine knew a dismissal when she heard one. She wanted to know more about plan B but she knew they wouldn't talk to her about it. She went back inside and scooped up the child and the white buffalo toy. She carried Sorcha up the narrow steps to the spare bedroom. The room was obviously designed for a child. The ceiling sloped down on one side of the room so no adult could possible walk upright in it. She put Sorcha in the bed with the toy then proceeded to put a heavy duty collar on her with a strong metal lock. She brushed the girl's curls off her face. "Sorry, baby. You don't deserve this."

Justine crawled into the narrow part of the room where the window was and slowly opened it. She could hear Eve and Ethan talking which was what she was counting on.

"This plan is going to shit, Eve," Ethan said.

"I told the Senior Partners it wouldn't work."

"You could have told them no," Ethan said.

Eve laughed bitterly. "That's not an option for me. I'll see if I can convince them plan B is the only way to do this. Justine's a no-starter. No way am I raising that child for them. They could sell her to any number of agents for a lot of money. They're already getting bids in."

"And the loose ends?" Ethan lit up a cigarette, making Justine's mouth water for one.

"They get tied." Eve smiled, the motion making her swollen eye look worse.

Justine swallowed hard. She had no doubts what that meant. She slid her hand between the mattress and box spring and retrieved the small thin cell phone she had hidden there. Eve had made her turn over all phones but the one in the living room which Justine figured was watched. Eve made Ethan search her every time she tried to take a few steps out of her own house, as if they didn't trust her not to betray them to Angel the moment she had a chance.

She reached down her pants and shoved the phone into her panties, as much as she hated to do it. It was awkward walking back down the stairs with it riding there. Justine was afraid Ethan still might find it because he enjoyed the search process far too much. She stopped and looked at the couple. "I have to get to work."

"My head hurts too much. I'll stay here with the brat," Eve said.

"Fine, whatever." Justine got into her car with Ethan. She knew they would follow her to the bar. They hadn't wanted her to go in to work but she assured them in a town this small, everyone knew her business. It would be suspicious if she suddenly stopped showing up.

She went behind the bar and stuffed a few zip lock baggies they used in the grill to keep the veggies crisp into her pockets. She went to the bathroom, triple bagged the cell phone and dumped it into the back of the toilet tank. She wouldn't have time to call immediately, not without raising suspicions. She went back out. Ethan watched her like a hawk, bitching all the time about the lack of a decent British beer. Finally she took a bathroom break, while he was busy playing darts with a cowboy. She fished the cell phone out of the tank and called the number she had been given. "Hello, Lindsey? We need to talk."

"Who is the guy?" Connor asked as Lindsey walked past him and sat in a chair.

Angel was impressed with Lindsey's ability to remain unflappable in a room full of people ready to kill him. "He's Lindsey McDonald. He used to be a Wolfram and Hart lawyer."

"Great, the last thing we need," Connor grumbled, flexing his fingers.

"I quit more or less. Thanks, in part I guess, to your mother," Lindsey said. "I should have just stayed out of it...would have been better all around."

"You knew Mom?" Connor's eyes slotted. Angel didn't like the curiosity he heard in his son's voice. He didn't want him learning anything from Lindsey.

"She lived with me briefly, when she was human again, for a little while after she became a vampire for the second time," Lindsey said then saw the confusion in Connor's eyes. "Long story, and not the reason I'm here."

"You said you could help," Buffy put in.

"What do you know about this, Lindsey?" Angel stared at him as everyone else gathered around. If Lindsey had any hope of changing his mind and running, it wasn't going to happen. After what he had done to Spike last time, Angel would be surprised if the blond vampire would think twice about killing him. He was entertaining thoughts of that himself.

"Eve approached me with another chance to get back at you, Angel," Lindsey said. "I told her I wasn't interested. I was done with it. After the last time…" Lindsey glared up at Angel. "I let my hatred of you run my life for too long. I should have been happy with getting free of Wolfram and Hart." Lindsey tapped his chest. "But I wasn't. Now, I'm done with letting you live in my head. I turned Eve down. She tried a lot of persuasion but finally I thought she had given up."

"What did she want you to do to me?" Angel stood in front of Lindsey but was disappointed the lawyer seemed less than intimidated.

"She wouldn't say. That alone was enough to make me nervous. I wasn't signing on the dotted line when I didn't even know what I was signing up for. Lindsey drummed his fingers on his thigh. "She told me all I needed to know was that I had to work with this woman and that we'd start off in the mid-west where you weren't likely to look for us and then they'd move us someplace special to complete the mission."

"That's it?" Buffy's face seemed to melt. Willow put a supportive hand on her shoulder.

"She said if I knew more, there was a risk of it getting back to Angel. I told her, if she didn't trust me with the details then I was obviously not the guy to help her. I didn't see what she needed me for or the woman I was supposed to work with. She had that Rayne fellow working with her. The firm had files on him. He's a fairly powerful mage, more powerful than me." Lindsey brushed back his long hair. "She called me last night, gave me one more chance to join up, telling me how much they needed me. She still wouldn't tell me what was going on."

"Then you have nothing that will actually help," Spike growled.

"Not true. When I heard through my contacts that Angel's grandchild had been kidnapped, I knew what Eve had planned. Why she thought I'd be willing to help her and some strangers kidnap a child, I have no idea." Disgust curled Lindsey's lip.

"So you came here out of the goodness of your heart," Angel jeered.

Lindsey's blue eyes flashed cold fire at him. "I don't like people who hurt kids. I helped you, didn't I, to save those blind kids Wolfram and Hart was trying to assassinate? Holland had a co-worker murdered in front of me as an example of what would happen if I continued to help you. If I was willing to risk my life for children I didn't even know, do you really think I'd sit back and do nothing when Darla's grandchild is at risk? Think what you like, I cared about Darla and the things I have to offer are the name of the person Eve wanted me to work with, where she lives and how to get a hold of her."

"You couldn't tell us that first?" Connor snapped, taking a menacing step forward. Buffy stopped him.

Lindsey ignored him. "Justine Cooper. Do you know why this woman wants to get back at you, Angel?"

Angel felt the fire inside him roaring. "Her sister was murdered by vampires. She blames us all."

"She did this to me." Wes stroked the scar on his neck.

"She helped Connor to weld me in a coffin and dump me in the ocean. She's dangerous," Angel said.

"You welded him in a coffin?" Lindsey looked at Connor. "Wish I thought of that. I only ran him over with a truck."

"I didn't know how to drive or I would have done that just to bring him down," Connor said and Angel stared at him, stunned. His son wasn't the least bit apologetic about thinking that. "But Justine was my friend. She wouldn't do this to me."

"She's not your friend, Connor," Angel said. "She has to be the one who killed Holtz."

"Justine old me you did," Connor grumbled, stubbornly.

"I know and I didn't. So if it wasn't me, it was her and he probably asked her to just to mess with your head. She would do this to hurt us, believe me," Angel said, not wanting to waste time arguing with his son.

"I'm not sure she had a clue as to what Eve planned either. I spoke to Justine once, just to see if she knew more than I did," Lindsey said. "She didn't. I still have her number and I know she lives in South Dakota."

"That is the mid-west and we wouldn't have thought to look there," Willow said.

"I didn't think so. I'm not sure if they'll take the girl there but it's a good bet." Lindsey said.

"It's a starting place," Buffy said. "Should you try calling Justine, maybe pretend you've changed your mind and are on board with this now?"

Lindsey nodded. "I had thought about it."

"I'll call Gunn," Wes said. "Tell him we'll need the pilot to arrange a flight plan to South Dakota…um, where in South Dakota."

"Hot Springs. Rapid City would probably be the closest airport then it's not quite a ninety mile drive there." Lindsey saw them all giving him quizzical looks. "I looked it up."

"I'll relay that to Gunn," Wes said, heading for the phone.

"Do you think Eve will hurt my daughter?" Connor's voice was soft and it broke Angel's heart. He knew this fear. He had lived through a kidnapping once already. Buffy's concern for Connor and Sorcha was obvious.

"Yes, I do," Lindsey said bluntly. "If it was necessary, or if it was what the Senior Partners wanted, I think she would. I heard whispers, the Partners wanted your daughter but I have no idea why, other than a powerful being like her would be an asset. Don't think they aren't scheming up ways to get a hold of some of the younger new Slayers." Lindsey paused as Buffy and Willow both looked startled at the idea. "But I also heard talk that they are getting a lot of offers to buy the child."

"What? Why? Who else wants her?" Buffy hauled Lindsey up out of the chair. Angel wished he had dared to do that but he wasn't sure he could stop himself from killing the man.

"Well, the supplicants to the Great Potentate Ul-Thar for one," Lindsey said, still managing to remain cool, even in the face of being shredded at the hands of a Slayer.

"Not them again," Angel groaned.

"Who are they?" Willow gave him a curious look/

"They knew about the prophecy of Connor's birth. They think he's some kind of vampire Messiah or so damn thing. They wanted to rip him out of Darla's belly so they could worship him." Angel saw the horror writing itself onto his son's face.

"I'm _what?"_ Connor's voice cut like a razor.

"They seem to think that his daughter is just as worthy of worship," Lindsey said.

"I should have known I hadn't killed them all," Angel groaned. "Sorry, son. I just thought it would just add to your…confusion if you knew that little detail."

"Gee, why would you think knowing I'm a damn Vampire Jesus would mess me up further?" Angel could see Connor's rage looking for an outlet. He clamped a hand on the young man's shoulder. Connor tried to shrug him off. "What will they do to her?"

"I don't know." Angel let him go, patting his back.

"Whatever it is, it'll be better than some of the other demons making offers. Apparently a few of them think they'll gain some form of power by eating her," Lindsey said and Connor whimpered.

"Maybe your research didn't turn up the fact Connor isn't entirely stable, Lindsey. It's in your best interests not to push him over the edge," Angel warned. "I think it's time to make that call."

Lindsey pulled out his phone then dropped it as it rang suddenly. He scooped it off the floor. "Hello? Oh, slow down I can barely hear you. The reception sucks…well, get out of the ladies room and see if the reception picks up…they're watching you? Okay, okay, I'll shut up and listen," Lindsey said and did just that, grunting a few uh-huh's into the phone as the person on the other line spoke. "Okay, tell them this, tell them I'm reconsidering. Tell Eve I'm on my way to help out. I'll be there in a few hours…yeah, I get that. I'm not without back up…just play it as cool as you can. If it gets too hot, take the kid and run. You have my cell number…what? hang on," Lindsey said as Buffy shoved a piece of paper with two numbers. "Justine, here's two more numbers you can call if you can't get me…I know you're in the ladies room, write it on some damn toilet paper with lipstick or something." Lindsey gave her the numbers twice and hung up.

"They're going to kill her," Angel guessed.

"You heard that?" Lindsey's eyes widened.

"She doesn't want to do this either," Connor said, sounding almost relieved to have his faith in Justine vindicated. Angel would have to have a long talk with him once Sorcha was safe. "They're gonna kill her if she doesn't help."

"We'll be there in a few hours, Connor. We know where they're at now. Ethan can't cast a teleportation spell alone…I don't think." Willow's brow furrowed. "I'm pretty sure not. The best they would do is get another plane out or start driving but they don't know we're on the way."

"Unless they think Justine is lying about Lindsey. She's already told them she wants out," Connor said.

"We're going to think positively about this," Angel said. "Once we get there, even if they're gone, we can track them. As long as Justine is alive, Lindsey can keep in touch with her, string them along until we can find them." He patted his son's shoulder. "At least they aren't in another dimension this time. This is doable. Spike, you help Buffy get the weapons ready. Willow, you and Wes get any magical supplies you might need. Cordy, see if you can get stun guns or tranqs from Gunn, anything we can use from a distance. I don't want to be shooting with anything lethal if Sorcha can be hit."

"Ethan is definitely the type to hide behind a child," Buffy said.

"I'm on it. How about Connor's meds? Could we use any of them?" Cordy asked.

Connor shook his head. "Even the Haldol takes about twenty minutes to really kick in."

"Okay, that's no good. Connor, you make sure Lindsey doesn't go anywhere while I help Spike and Buffy," Angel said. He didn't wait to see if his son would obey. He had to trust Connor was together enough mentally not to do anything stupid. He helped load up a trunk with weapons, wondering how they were going to get it past airport security. Willow put that fear to rest with a spell to make it look like a trunk full of wedding clothes. Their cover story was born. Angel could only hope that the worst case scenario didn't manifest, but this was him and his friend's. Worst case scenarios were written into their genetic code.

Angel had reluctantly gone back to his bedroom, knowing sleep was impossible but he needed it. There was nothing else they could do for the moment. They were still waiting on the plane and it was day light now. They wanted to try and aim to land close to darkness and make the most of their team. That meant Eve and Ethan would have a whole day to kill Justine if they felt like it, or woo her back to them, or just pick up and leave. They couldn't get going any faster. It would take that long for flight plans to be filed and for Gunn to get a plane ready. The non-vampire team members might have gotten there faster but the tickets were over a thousand dollars a piece. It would take them longer to find that much money since no one had credit cards that could handle that much load.

Angel was surprised when Buffy came into the room. Her eyes held the weariness of a hundred years of battle, her limbs trembling slightly from fatigue. He flipped the covers back and she crawled in, cuddling up to him. He let his fingers play over her back. "We'll be on our way soon."

"I know," she mumbled. "I know there's nothing else I can be doing right now."

"That's what I keep telling myself."

Her arms slid around him. "How are you holding up? You've been through this before. You shouldn't have to deal with this much pain again."

"I'm all right, Buffy, as all right as I can be. Like I told Connor, at least she's here, in this dimension. That makes it easier. I never got Connor back. He came back but never to me, until now. I promise you, I'm not letting it happen again," he said, wanting to take all the pain out of her and bury it in himself.

"They're both going to be sorry for this and if Lindsey or Justine are working to double cross us." Buffy's eyes were like flint.

Angel kissed her gently. "You leave that to me, Buffy. I'm the killer and I promise you, I won't hesitate if they give me cause." He kept the "even if they don't" to himself. "Where's Connor?"

"In bed. Willow put him to sleep with a spell. He wouldn't rest. He can't handle this kind of strain, I don't care what he says. He'll be fine by the time we get ready to go," she mumbled, sounding nearly asleep herself.

Angel just let her drift off and followed her through the gates of ivory and horn.

Buffy stared into the swirl of red and lightning. It wormed into her, sickening her worse than standing atop Glory's tower, looking into her realm. This place had a slicker, unhealthier feel. Across the vortex, Angel stared into the abyss, even more horrified than she felt.

She watched as Lindsey tumbled into the sea of red. Feeling acid-washed, she stared at the woman who fell in with him. She looked tired, as worn out as Buffy felt, her lank reddish hair flying behind her. Between them, holding their hands, was Sorcha. Buffy screamed, trying to jump in after them but her feet were rooted. Seeing Angel's struggles, she knew he was likewise stuck.

She saw the demons waiting for them under the garnet sky. The vortex closed like a pupil in bright light. Three heart beats and it opened again, vomiting out Lindsey and the woman with him. They were aged. A scar seamed Lindsey's once handsome face from his hair line, down over his nose, and across his lips pulling them into a permanent scowl on one side. The woman was missing an eye and three fingers on one hand. She held a boy, who was twisted and ugly like he had been given birth to only half done. Behind them a young woman strode out of the redness, haughty and beautiful in the rough leathers she wore. Her body was lean and trim, boyish in form and a proud smile rode on her wide lips. Her long hair was bound up, a warm sun-kissed brown. Her eyes were hard and blue as sapphires.

"Sorcha," Buffy whispered at the same time as Angel.

Buffy sat bolt upright, the sheets sticking to her sweaty body. Tears flowed down her face. She reached over hearing Angel panting beside her. His eyes rolled. "Angel, I had the most horrible dream. Lindsey and Sorcha and a woman I don't know were sucked into this horrible place."

"Quor-Toth," Angel said. "It was Quor-Toth and the woman was Justine."

Buffy pressed a fist to her lips, not wanting him to know what was happening. That meant one thing. "A prophetic dream," she whispered. "A Slayer dream."

"And you brought me into it," Angel said.

It wasn't the first time. Any other time Buffy would rejoice at being so close to him again that they dreamt the same thing but now she felt cold inside. "No wonder they wouldn't tell Justine or Lindsey the plan."

"Wolfram and Hart has found a way back across. It would only take days of our time, Buffy, and Sorcha would be full grown, a warrior for them. They need a strong, dark warrior for their End of Days plans. Neither me nor Connor complied."

"So they're going to make one for themselves." Buffy rolled out of bed. "We should tell the others."

"It's almost time to go anyhow."

They paused to use the restroom, splash water on their faces and Buffy was the one to tell them all the dream. She watched the shock and betrayal registering in Lindsey's eyes and the unadulterated fury in Connor's.

"They can't take my daughter there," Connor said. "Lindsey's here. He isn't going to help them."

"Damn straight. No way am I signing up to go to hell." Lindsey shock his head frantically. "Well...more so than I already have. I, at least, want to be dead first."

"But we are taking Lindsey with us," Willow said. "Your dream didn't show him being a willing participant. What if we lose him in South Dakota?"

"Maybe you should stay here Lindsey," Buffy suggested.

"I'm your only contact. You'll lose too much time if you have to wait for me to act as a go between from here," Lindsey said.

"But why you?" Cordy asked. "What would they want with you?"

"I know some magic. Justine knows how to fight vampires. The Senior Partners probably reasoned Holtz survived it with less going for him. It's a calculated risk," Lindsey said. "And I'll take another by staying with you guys. I'm better protected that way."

Buffy nodded. "Wes, is the plane ready?"

"Within the hour. We could head there now," he replied.

"Let's do it."


	7. Disaster

__CHAPTER SEVEN

Justine packed water bottles with nipple pull-tops and some snack bars into a child's back pack. She tossed the buffalo in on top to hide them. She fought to put it on Sorcha's back. It wasn't easy to avoid the flailing arms. "Shush, baby. I'm getting you out of here. I'm taking you back to Daddy."

Sorcha's blue eyes narrowed, her lower lip pushing out. "Daddy?"

"Yes, baby. But you have to be very quiet or they'll catch us."

Justine was shocked when Sorcha put her hand into hers. She unlocked the girl's neck restraint and lifted her up in her arms. Ethan was out and Eve was asleep downstairs in Justine's bed. She had told them about Lindsey joining them and they were thrilled. Too thrilled. Justine knew that they thought she had sold them out. Sorcha overheard their whispers and mockingly told her she'd be dead soon. Justine decided to believe the little girl.

Her heart hammered as she managed to get out of the house. She already had the dog in the car. She didn't have a baby seat so she just strapped Sorcha in, jumped in the driver's seat, kicked the car in neutral and coasted down the hill that was her driveway. She started the car at the bottom and raced out of town and into Wind Cave park. She sped as fast as she dared with the wild buffalo herds roaming around.

She dialed all the numbers Lindsey had given her but no one answered. She left messages for all of them, hoping that meant they were in the air and couldn't take calls. "We're going to make it, baby."

"Where's Daddy?"

"He's on his way," Justine said, hoping that was true. "We're going to make it."

Sorcha looked over into the back seat. "Grandma Joyce and Grandma Darla say we're in trouble. The bad man gonna do something."

In spite of herself, Justine looked in the rear view mirror. She had no idea what the girl was talking about. She saw no one in the backseat but had no doubts Sorcha did. "Do they know what kind of trouble?"

"Coming now." 

Justine's palms sweated and she depressed the accelerator, hoping not to get pulled over. The car suddenly shuddered, metal screamed and the wheel jerked in her hand. Parts of her car started shredding away and then she slammed into a rock. It twisted the car, sending it airborne. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sorcha encased in a green glowing light. She was being protected, Justine realized as the car flipped and rolled. Finally, it came to rest on its roof. Every part of Justine hurt. Behind her, her poor dog whimpered. She felt blood dripping down her face. Sorcha was wailing but she couldn't tell if the girl was hurt then Sorcha fell silent.

Justine tried to ask Sorcha if she were all right. She tried to move and see for herself but she couldn't. She could barely breathe. Justine wondered if she were dying as she willed a tourist to see where the car had landed and call for help. A car approached after what felt like forever.

"Told you, Eve, the toy works just like a poppet," Ethan was saying and Justine wished she were dead.

"At least your shield worked," Eve said. "The brat's fine. What about Justine?"

Ethan reached into the car and removed Sorcha. Justine could just barely see him out of the corner of her eye. "She's done for. Just let nature take its course."

And with that, they left her to die, spiriting away Connor's child. 

"Any reason we're taking the long way to Rapid City?" Eve groused as Ethan drove.

They had used plastic police cuffs, the kind that looked more appropriate for trash bags than people, to restrain Sorcha who was busy entertaining herself by shrilling as loudly as she could in the back seat. Ethan debated using magic to shut her up. His magic had saved her from the crash and the terror of the crash, which had kept her in stunned silence, was fading, replaced by anger at being trussed up in the car.

"Because I'm going to head to Wyoming. We can drive there and catch a plane. The Slayer won't expect that...if you're even right about Justine betraying us to Angel and the Slayer through Lindsey." Ethan eyed his companion sourly. He should have known better than to work with Eve again. The last time had been enough to make him a marked man. Eve and the Senior Partners had given him scads of money to do this new job. He couldn't resist even though he knew the Slayer and Ripper would kill him so he was prepared to do the same to them. "We could be doing this all for nothing."

"Trust me, Ethan," Eve said over Sorcha's red-faced screaming. "Lindsey and I were lovers. I know him. He's not the kind to change his mind. He has to be setting us up."

"I'm not going to a hell dimension to raise this child, Eve. I'll do what I have to in order to prevent it." Ethan hoped she heard the ominous tone in his voice. He'd hurt her, no questions asked and sell the kid to the first person on his door with cash.

"Neither am I. I thought originally about recruiting Andrew for this but changed my mind. He despises Connor for stealing Dawn and letting her die that he'd probably do anything to get back at him. He's murdered before." Eve shrugged.

"So why'd you drag in the lawyer instead?" Ethan slowed for Bighorn sheep crossing the road.

"Andrew's a moron. He'd last about ten seconds in Quor-Toth. We'd be better off sending the brat in alone. Hell, Justine would probably have killed him on principle in the first twenty-four hours. I thought Lindsey's desire to destroy Angel would bring him to us. I'll pay for that." Eve gave Ethan a funny look. "Why are you slowing down?"

"Change of plans. Casting that spell to destroy Justine's car knackered me. Unless you're up for a long drive while I sleep, maybe we should get some rest," Ethan said.

Eve dug her nails into his shoulders. "With Angel and company on our trail?"

"I'll fall asleep at the wheel. They won't expect us to hide out here." Ethan gestured at the sign for Custer State Park. "They'll be looking on the highways and cities for us, not in the middle of the bloody forest. Night's falling and I don't fancy trying to find a hotel to crash in in the middle of this god-forsaken nowhere in the dead of night if we find we're too tired to go further. It's not like they can track us."

"And what about the screamer?" Eve stabbed a finger over the car seat at Sorcha.

"The same spell we used to get her past security at the airport. I can't cast it and drive. Just tuck her hands away so the dim bulb taking money at the gate won't see the cuffs. No one is going to pay any mind to a squalling tot. Crying is what they do," Ethan said. "We'll release her once I cast the spell and no one will know she's not our daughter out on a weekend camping trip."

Eve leaned over the seat and shoved Sorcha's hands into the backpack Justine had given her, zipping it up until it nearly cut her skin. It would look like Sorcha was digging in it, just enough to fool the minium wager handing out park passes. "Where are we going to camp?"

"We aren't. When I had to spend forever watching Justine at the dismal pub in Hot Springs, I read over all the tourist trap literature just to kill time. There are plenty of actual hotels in the park. We won't have to sleep with the bugs," Ethan said.

"Thank God," Eve said, handing Ethan a twenty to pass to the gate keeper.

They drove inside with Sorcha squirming and crying in the back seat. Ethan headed for the Peter Norbeck Visitor Center so he could get a map and find a place to stay. His hands quivered with exhaustion on the steering wheel. It hadn't been easy to use a Hot Wheel car like a poppet to wreck Justine's car while simultaneously protecting Sorcha from harm. He needed a rest and figured a state park was plenty big enough to hide them if someone was actually after them.

"Sit up, you little brat," Eve ordered.

Ethan looked in the rear view mirror and saw Sorcha on her back, her tennis shoes pressed to the back window. He braked hard, seeing one of her hands pulling free of the back pack. "Bloody hell, Eve, she's loose. Catch her up and try not to let her blacken your other eye."

"Shut up," Eve said, leaning over the seat.

Sorcha whacked her with the back pack and kicked at the window. The glass groaned and she kicked again with her unnaturally powerful legs. The glass shattered and she shrieked as flying bits tore into her. Sorcha swarmed upright and went right out the window, backpack and all.

Cursing, Ethan whipped the car off the road and he and Eve scrambled out. He got between Sorcha and the highway. All she needed to do was get to the visitor center and it was over. He almost had her, long strands of her hair caught in his fingers but she nearly broke his wrist with that whirling backpack. The child made for the woods. Ethan raced after her, his lungs burning. He regretted every cigarette he had ever smoked. Eve was doing even worse. She wasn't dressed for a foot chase in the woods.

Still, Sorcha's little legs were no match for his. She stumbled and nearly fell, barely catching herself. Ethan grabbed for her, realizing too late she had picked up at rock from the trail. She tossed it and he found out the hard way why the Senior Partners wanted her so badly. Eve had warned him the child was already in Slayer training and her accuracy was lethal. The rock shattered his nose. Ethan dropped, dazed, unable to see or breathe. He felt blood gushing down his face.

When the stars cleared and he could draw a ragged breath, he saw Eve on her ass, nursing her ankle. He figured her dress shoes had done Sorcha's work for her. He limped over to her, seeing the brat disappearing up the trail.

"We have to get her back," he said, wiping blood off his face.

"If we don't, we're dead," Eve said and he had no reason to doubt it. "You can't leave the car there. The cops will tow it and we'll be in just as much trouble when we get her back with no car."

"I'll move it to the visitor center. You go after her. I'll catch up. She's just a kid. She can't outrun us forever," Ethan said, having a bad feeling about going into the woods with night falling. He was a city boy. What did he know about hiking or in this case, mad dashing through the woods? He had the urge to sell the girl to the worst of the bidders just for spite.


	8. into the woods

__CHAPTER EIGHT

"I still can't get a hold of Justine," Lindsey said as they piled their luggage into one of the two SUV's they rented.

"Maybe she's out or they won't let her answer." Buffy had a bad feeling about this. She knew it wasn't something so innocuous. Nothing in her life was ever so simple.

"Or I made a mistake in thinking Eve would trust me to change my mind," Lindsey said, dragging a hand through his hair.

"If they think you and Justine betrayed them." Gunn's lips thinned. "This can be bad."

"Maybe we should try and call the hospitals just in case," Willow said, an apologetic look on her face.

"There's not many out here. It shouldn't take long," Lindsey said.

A call to 411 gave him the short list of numbers. Lindsey started with Black Hills Regional. "Hello, yes, I'm calling to see if my cousin, Justine Cooper was brought into the emergency room tonight? I have reason to believe she might have been in an accident...she is?"

At the questioning upswing in Lindsey's voice, Buffy felt her knees go weak. Angel took hold of Connor's arm, steadying him.

"When was she brought in? How is she?...I see, where was the accident? What about her daughter, Sorcha? A three year old...there was no child in the car? All right, thank you. I'll be there soon to be with her." Lindsey flipped his phone shut.

"What happened?" Angel snapped before Lindsey could gather his thoughts.

"Justine was in a severe car accident. She's in surgery right now," Lindsey replied.

Buffy grabbed his arm, shaking him. "But Sorcha wasn't with her?"

"No child in the car," Lindsey reiterated.

"Where is my daughter?"

Buffy's eyes snapped over to Connor. His body shook. He sounded so broken. She didn't think he'd survive intact much longer.

"We know it was not by chance that Justine was in a wreck just hours after we put this plan into motion," Wes said. "It's likely that Sorcha is with Eve and Ethan."

"So where do we start looking?" Cordelia asked.

"Lindsey, they told you where the accident was," Angel said and Lindsey nodded. "We start looking there. If Justine was running, she probably had Sorcha with her."

"Shouldn't some of us check out Justine's place in case they went back there or if she didn't have the kid?" Gunn glanced over at Angel.

"Could be a bloody waste of time," Spike replied, slipping a cigarette between his lips.

"Not necessarily. There are only two direct ways down to Hot Springs, the interstate and the long scenic way. Thing is, Justine wrecked on the scenic road but she was closer to Hot Springs than to Rapid City. It would probably be quicker to fly like bats out of hell down 79 and then cut through Hot Springs, check out her house then go to the crash site. It's longer but the highway is faster."

"Couldn't we push it down the scenic trail?" Willow asked.

"Only if we want to end up over the hill. Tourist RV's won't be in the way in the dark...maybe, but if we do, then we'll be stuck for miles unable to pass. The scenic road cuts through the Hills, hair pin turns, narrow dangerous roads. There's only so fast you can go especially in Roll-over mobiles like the Suvies," Lindsey said. "And like I said, she crashed closer to Hot Springs. If we take the highway, we can get there faster. We have no idea which way Ethan and Eve would have gone if they were even at the crash site. But if they were, Angel, Spike and Connor can track them from there."

"We'll go the highway." Angel's voice brooked no argument. Buffy wasn't sure she agreed but had to concede Lindsey had a point. He had explained on the plane that he had vacationed in the Black Hills several times and he seemed to know the area. "We don't have time to lose too much of the night. Spike and I only have so many hours before we become useless to you."

Buffy herded Lindsey into the SUV with her, Angel, Willow, and Connor while Wes, Gunn, Spike, and Cordy took the other. Lindsey made Angel give up the driver's seat, which he did with ill-grace. However, he knew Lindsey at least knew where he was going, in theory and Buffy knew the lawyer wasn't going to skimp on speed, not with them in the car to push him, should he be having a change of heart.

"Is Justine going to die?" Connor asked as Lindsey threaded through Rapid City towards S-79.

"Don't know. She was lifeflighted in. The nurse wouldn't tell me more, not without proof I'm family," Lindsey said.

"Then Sorcha could be hurt." Connor curled up on himself as much as the seatbelt would let him.

Buffy reached over and took his hand, pulling him against her in the back seat. Angel looked back at them, pain in his eyes. "They don't want her hurt, Connor. They need her alive and healthy. Ethan probably has magic that insured her safety. That's why Eve hired him."

"But we don't know that. Your dream isn't coming true. Justine won't be going to Quor-Toth with Sorcha and Lindsey," Connor said, his voice thin, stretched, ready to break. "If that's changed, for all we know they no longer want her."

"I doubt that," Angel said. "They want her and that alone will keep her safe for now. We have to think positively."

Buffy saw Connor was in no condition to do that. She pressed his cheek against her shoulder, stroking his arm as Lindsey left the outskirts of the city behind.

"Your friend said she cast a spell that makes the Suvies invisible to radar," Lindsey said. "Here's hoping she's right."

The engine roared and they rocketed toward Hot Springs, Wes's SUV drafting along behind them.

Sorcha's knees hurt and bled from where she had fallen and scraped them. Her fingers were raw from climbing the rough rocky trail but she knew she couldn't stop. Aunt Buffy hadn't wanted her to watch the big girls train with her but Sorcha was sneaky. Granny Emma, who watched her at school, was always so busy with other kids or too tired and Sorcha knew how to sneak out and watch Aunt Buffy. She heard about ignoring pain and always keep going. It hadn't ever made sense until now.

It was like the practices she did when she got to wear her karate outfit, only for real. She knew bits of branch and rocks were her friends. The older people couldn't keep up with her. She was faster and she kept throwing the rocks and sticks when they got close. She was always good at that, too good. Aunt Buffy didn't like her throwing things but Sorcha knew this was the right thing to do.

Night was coming. It was scary. Sorcha didn't fear the dark but she was alone and there were strange smells and sounds in the woods. She ran until she came to the end of the bluff. She closed her eyes, trying not to look down. It was too far, too many sharp scary rocks. She turned and saw the bare rocks with lots of hidey-holes. She had to just get to it. They were so high up and she could hear the old people trying to climb after her. Their breathing was hard and panting like Aunt Buffy after she trained the older girls.

Sorcha loped away from the edge of the bluff, wending in and out of the pine trees. She tried to jump for the high-up ledge and missed. She jogged back down the wooded path and saw the man not too far away. His eyes were dark and scary. Sorcha took a running leap at the ledge. Her fingers caught it, the rough stone biting into her skin. She whimpered and pulled herself up. She peeled off her backpack and wedged herself back into a hidey hole. There were more rocks and she grabbed one.

"Did you see that jump?" Ethan wheezed.

"She's a freak. Why do you think Wolfram and Hart wants her, Ethan?" Eve turned on him. "Get her down."

"How do you propose I do that?" His eyes narrowed. "Grow wings?"

"You're the wizard," Eve snarled. "Don't tell me you don't have some sort of spell."

Sorcha heard the cross tone in the woman's voice. She wanted to hit her with a stone but she knew she couldn't waste it, not until they got closer.

"I'm better with potions and complicated spells. I'm not good with the gesture and say a magic word," Ethan said contritely. "There's one...but that might bring the rocks down on top of us."

"Well, we've got to do something." Eve tried to see if she could climb up and Sorcha hit her with a rock. Eve fell. "Little bitch."

"I'll see what I can work up. Help me find the ingredients for the spell," Ethan said.

Sorcha watched them go. She knew they wouldn't go far. She was safer where she was than trying to run. They couldn't reach her here. She opened her backpack and took out the white buffalo. She snagged the water and snack bars and began to eat. She hugged the buffalo to her with one hand as she sucked at the water. She tried very hard not to cry. She knew Aunt Buffy and Daddy would come for her. They had to.

She shivered. It was getting cool and she didn't have a jacket. Things howled in the night. She didn't know what they were. She pressed back into the rock then smiled a little, seeing two familiar faces sitting with her on the rocks. Both her grandmothers spent lots of time with her. Sorcha knew they were dead. That didn't matter. They visited often, even more now that Aunt Buffy and Aunt Willow didn't get all upset when she mentioned them. Mommy visited, too, but she spent a lot of time with Aunt Buffy and Daddy, trying to tell them things but they couldn't hear her, not like Sorcha could. She knew Mommy was trying to tell them now where Sorcha was but she didn't think they'd hear her. Still, they would come. They would find her. She'd just stay safe in the rocks with her grannies and if the bad people came again, she'd just toss more rocks at them until they went away again.

Angel wasn't surprised that there were no clues at Justine's other than Sorcha had been there but they had already knew that. Maybe he shouldn't have insisted on going there first. At least now they had three of Justine's heavy blankets in the back of the SUV, in case the sun rose and he and Spike needed to shelter under them.

They were flying through Wind Cave Park, still under Willow's spell to make them invisible to the police. It was a bit flatter here, easier to make good time, and he knew they were going in the right direction. He couldn't say how, since there was no way of picking Sorcha's scent out of the air. She would have been merely riding in the car, not imprinting on the place.

"Buffalo!" Buffy shrieked and Lindsey slammed on the brakes, jerking the wheel.

The SUV's wheels hit the berm but they scooted around the huge animals that had claimed the highway as their own. As they slowed down, shaken by nearly slamming into the buffalos, Angel caught Sorcha's scent.

"Stop here!" He was out of the SUV even before it came to a full stop. Buffy was on his heels. "Look there, a car went off the road here."

"Sorcha was here," Connor said, jumping out of the SUV. "The car... here, glass and metal everywhere. I smell blood."

"Justine's," Angel said, even though he couldn't tell if it was hers alone. Connor didn't need to know that. The look on Spike's face told Angel he was on the same page. Angel whirled, hearing something coming up behind him. A black and white dog limped up to Willow who squatted down, cooing at it.

"Awww, poor baby, are you hurt?" She held out a hand and it sniffed her, then licked the offered appendage.

Spike sniffed. "The mutt's Justine's. I can smell her and the kid all over the beast."

"She must have been in the wreck, too." Buffy peered into the darkness. "Where do we go from here?"

"That way." Connor pointed north along the road, the direction they had already been headed in.

"You sound so sure." Cordelia shivered, unaccustomed to the coolness of a South Dakota evening.

"I am," he replied, grimly.

"How?" Buffy looked at him curiously.

"Mom says she knows where Sorcha is," Connor said, going back into the SUV. 

"Um, son, your mother isn't here." Angel glanced between Buffy and Connor nervously.

"You're wrong. I'm not delusional. Mom talks to me a lot," Connor replied, his eyes narrowing.

"I think you're making a case for being delusion, kiddo," Spike said.

"No, he's not. Sorcha has seen her, too." Buffy put a hand on Connor's back. "I thought she was just making up seeing Grandma Darla and Grandma Joyce, to make herself feel better about not having any grandmothers. Sorcha knew Mom, of course from pictures, so her telling us what Grandma Joyce looked like didn't mean much Then she saw a Watcher's diary with a photo of Darla. Sorcha pointed right to it and said, "That's grandma.' We've all seen ghosts before. Cordy, you had a ghost roommate. If Connor says Darla's giving him directions, I say we believe him."

"That's good enough for me," Angel said, hoping Buffy was right, that his son wasn't having a hallucination. North made sense at any rate. It led back to Rapid City and the airport and freedom.

They piled back into the SUV's, Willow taking Justine's dog, and they headed north.


	9. Primordial Forest

__WARNING - Character Death

CHAPTER NINE

"Okay, that was a mountain lion," Eve said, edging closer to the fire.

"Afraid of a little kitty?" Ethan snorted.

"You've never seen the one in the White Room," Eve shot back.

Sorcha didn't understand much of what they were saying. All she knew was it was cold, dark and she was scared. The loud cries of the cat made her shake. Where were Daddy and Aunt Buffy? They were supposed to be here by now. She was almost out of rocks to throw. She was so tired and her belly felt funny after eating all the snack bars in her back pack. She clutched the buffalo closer, trying to suck warmth from its soft body as she watched the flames. If she edged out on her ledge, she could feel the heat of the fire but then it was too easy for Eve and Ethan to try and get her. Grandmother Darla had come back just long enough to say Daddy was coming and then both grandmothers faded away. It made them tired showing themselves to her as Sorcha knew well.

"I'm almost ready. The question is what happens next?" Ethan's hawk-like eyes pinioned Eve. "If I hand her over, who gets sent to Quor-Toth with her? I'm half tempted to just leave her there and save my own skin."

"Think it's that easy? You made a deal with Wolfram and Hart. You don't get to just change your mind," Eve said. "There has to be a mage we can trick into going in Lindsey's place. Warriors to replace Justine are a dime a dozen."

"Amy Madison, I know her through a mutual acquaintance," Ethan said after a moment's contemplation. "She made it out of Sunnydale and she even has a score to settle with the Slayer's witch. Toss a little money on as the cherry and I think we can get her on board, at least long enough to whisk her into hell."

Sorcha listened and didn't understand but from the tone she knew it was bad. She picked up the biggest of her remaining rocks, setting her buffalo aside. She edged out into the cool wind listening to the coyotes sing. She took as best an aim as she could and waited to see if they were going to try and attack.

Ethan handed Eve back the notepad she had taken from her purse. Sorcha had watched him scribbling in it in the firelight. "We're going to cast a spell to bring her down and knock her out in one fell swoop. It takes two. When I point at you, you read from the pad. Got it?"

"Got it."

Sorcha listened to Ethan chant. It reminded her of Aunt Willow and Uncle Roo. She knew magic followed chanting. He pointed at Eve and she started reading. Sorcha winged her rock, hearing something break when it hit. Eve fell down, gagging and crying. Ethan knelt down, trying to pry her hands away from her mouth.

"Bloody hell. She knocked out your front teeth. You sure you don't want to leave her to the coyotes?" Ethan said and Eve just moaned.

Sorcha saw the look in Ethan's eye and became very afraid.

Buffy remembered why she never went on hikes with Giles, Sorcha and Connor. She didn't like the woods. Roots reached up and grabbed feet. Leaves could be like ice, slick and treacherous. And everything looked the same. Getting lost was too easy to do, so the bottom fell out of her stomach when Connor screamed for Lindsey to stop the vehicle inside of Custer Park.

He would have been out of the rental and into the woods in a heart beat if Angel hadn't restrained him. "We need the weapons," Angel told him. Buffy could see the irritation in Connor's eyes. She knew what he was thinking. He was a weapon and that was especially true against someone like Eve and Ethan. Of course, Ethan could have a magical trump card and Eve could be carrying a gun for all anyone knew.

"Where are they?" Cordy asked.

"In the forest," Connor said.

Angel nodded. "They went that way." He pointed. "The scent trail is strong here." 

"We're going into the woods at night without a flash light?" Cordelia's incredulous tone grated on Buffy's raw nerves.

"Willow, think we can have a little foxfire?" Buffy popped open the weapons trunk.

"Way ahead of you." Willow waved her hands over head. "_Lux._"

Several balls of glowing light blossomed in the night. Angel let Connor go and the boy bolted into the woods, snagging the sword Buffy tossed to him. Angel and Spike loped off after him, Buffy right on their heels. She knew Wes, Willow, Gunn, Lindsey and Cordy couldn't keep up, not at the ground eating pace Connor was setting. She was barely able to stick to him. He moved like he was made for the woods and she remembered what Angel said about Quor-Toth being a wild place without urban settings. This was Connor's comfort zone as much as it was her nemesis.

Behind her, Willow chanted and she saw the others picking up the pace. Buffy had seen Willow do that once before, goosing the adrenal glands. The normals of the group would be able to run faster but they would burn out faster, too. She just hoped they didn't burn out before they found Sorcha.

Connor moved like the mountain goats they had seen in the park. He was the only one not tripping over rocks and roots, like he was anticipating them. Buffy feared he was too in the zone, that he was so concentrating on his daughter's scent that he wouldn't see danger until too late. Her lungs felt scraped raw and her legs burned as she forced herself up the mountainside. How had Sorcha gone so far? Her poor little niece, how terrified she had to be. The sounds of the coyotes were unnerving Buffy, as mundane a creature as coyotes were. She couldn't imagine how it was for the child. She knew they could hurt a three year old child.

She wondered if they would ever reach the top, especially since it was beginning to go grey out. Daybreak would be here soon. Suddenly the two vampires and Connor really started pouring on the speed. Buffy figured they had to be hearing something she couldn't. The rest of the group was lagging behind now, the path too steep for Willow's augmentative magic to help. Then she heard it, the sound of a man's voice chanting then a thud like something hitting ground. The man yelped and there was the crashing of someone moving through the woods away from them.

When she burst into a clearing, she saw Ethan, nursing a bleeding hand, running into the woods with Eve behind him. Buffy saw blood in the fire light then saw movement. She watched as Sorcha bounded back up the rocks as nimble as a baby mountain goat and shoved back into a crevice. At least she was safe. That left her free to worry about Eve and Ethan and she was torn between letting Angel and Connor tear them apart and doing some violence herself.

Before she could decide, Angel and Spike turned from the fight, grunting and sizzling. Buffy saw the bottles of holy water the couple had packed with them up the side of the mountain, in with stuff that Buffy knew from seeing Willow's bag of magical herbs, oils and whatnot's. She went for Eve and found herself rolling in the pine needles as Eve yanked out a pistol and shot at her. Buffy was instantly glad the others were still struggling up the mountain behind them. Eve might want Sorcha alive but Buffy had no illusions that she would kill her and anyone else in her way.

Buffy threw the stake she had out of habit, even as she went down. Her aim was off but it was enough to startle Eve. The other woman dropped the pistol, which was obviously too big for her to begin with. It landed near Spike. Ethan tossed the last of his holy water at Angel then shouted something that might have been in Latin.

As he dove for cover, the ground shook. Buffy had been through enough earthquakes to know what magic Ethan had just wrought. Her eyes canted up at the rocks her niece was hiding in. The granite shook and started to slide. Hunks fell, scattering the combatants, just as Spike snagged Eve's gun. Buffy jumped straight up, catching a tree branch as a boulder thundered down at her. She tried to ignore Sorcha's screaming but couldn't.

When the shaking stopped, Sorcha's hiding place was covered in rock. Screaming wild and wordless, Connor leapt over the camp fire and was on the fleeing Ethan. Buffy heard Connor shriek as blue lightning encased him. She knew that spell, too, and knew it could be deadly.

The magic died instantly as Ethan made a surprised and painful sound. Buffy saw Connor's fist was gone, his hand pushed into Ethan's chest up to his forearm. The look in the young man's eye rooted Buffy, terrified her by the purity of his fury. Eve picked up Connor's fallen sword to ram it into his back.

"Connor!" Buffy screamed. Picking herself up out of the pine needles, she launched herself at Eve, inadvertently getting between Eve and Spike's gun.

Connor twisted and the blade didn't hit his spine or his kidney, Buffy hoped, but it did catch his side and poked out through his belly. Connor collapsed on top of Ethan. Buffy grabbed Eve away, tossing her like a rag doll. Eve's arms windmilled as she sailed in an arc but she didn't hit ground. Buffy watched as Eve disappeared over the precipice. Her heart caught for a moment; in all likelihood she had just killed the woman. Spike ran to the edge and looked.

"Damn, that's a long way down. She exploded like a rotted melon," he said.

Buffy tried not to picture it, even though she couldn't imagine anyone more deserving. She went to her knees at Connor's side, trying to stop him from pulling the sword out of his body but she wasn't fast enough. "Oh, damn!" She looked at the two terrible wounds and tried to think of what to do next. She took off her windbreaker and jammed it over both wounds best she could.

"Get...Sorcha," he said.

"We'll get her. I have to stop this bleeding," Buffy said, watching Angel leap to the top of the rock formations in one smooth move. Spike joined him. Together they threw the dislodged boulders, uncovering the child's hiding spot. She heard Angel telling Sorcha it was all right and she felt the tears prick her eyes when he leapt back down with Sorcha who had a backpack in one hand and a stuffed buffalo in the other.

"Buffy, how is he?" Angel asked.

"Daddy?" Sorcha whimpered.

"Angel, don't let her look," Buffy said, hearing the rest of their friends finally cresting the hill.

Angel took Sorcha away and handed her off to Wes but only because Willow blew past him to look at Connor. Buffy watched as Willow cast a spell that would help slow the blood flow. It was spell she had learned in Wales and it had been a lifesaver previously.

"Where's Eve?" Lindsey asked.

"Over the cliff." Spike jerked thumb in the general direction. "Question is, that do we do with him?" He kicked Ethan's corpse.

Lindsey strode over and looked down at the dead man. He peeled off his shirt and picked up the sword carefully, wiping down the hilt. He put it in Ethan's hand and closed his fingers over it then tossed the sword over the cliff, too. "Put him over the edge. I'll come up with story to cover this."

"Are you sure?" Wesley asked.

"I used to do it for a living. We'd better call for search and rescue and get Connor off this mountain top." Lindsey nodded at Connor.

"Already on it," Cordy said, wiggling her cell phone. "Let's just pray for reception up here."

"Is she...okay?" Connor asked Buffy. She hadn't even realized he was holding her hand. His fingers felt like ice.

"She's fine. It's you we have to worry about." Buffy looked skyward. "And Angel and Spike."

"Buffy, take Sorcha. Spike, give me a hand with Ethan." Angel took the dead mage's feet. Spike grabbed his arms and together they chucked him after Eve.

"We can't wait for rescue," Buffy said. "I don't know that Connor can last that long. Willow's spell slowed the bleeding but it won't fix the wound. I know Connor heals like a Slayer but this is bad."

"I know," Angel said, grimly. "That's why I want you to take Sorcha. Spike and I have to get off this mountain before the sun comes up. I'll carry Connor out."

Buffy nodded and took her niece back from Wes. "Sorry to leave you guys with this mess."

"You just go. We'll work with Lindsey on the explanation for this," Wes said.

Buffy didn't wait for Angel and Spike. She saw Spike helping Angel lift Connor into a fireman's carry. They raced down the mountain. Buffy kept waiting for her foot to find that root or rock that would send her careening down the mountain, snapping Sorcha's neck in the process. Going down was even harder than going up. Her knees ached like someone had baseball batted them, her head felt like it was being jarred off but soon the SUV's were in sight. She was flying on pure adrenaline and by the time she got to the vehicles she was shaking. Angel laid Connor down on the grass. He and Spike had begun to smoke. They didn't have time to situate the blankets better. They piled into the cargo hold under the blankets together, nose to nose. Buffy laid Sorcha on the back seat.

"Stay here, baby, I'll be right back," she said and Sorcha just nodded.

Buffy slithered out of the vehicle and checked on Connor. He was unconscious and deadly white but he was still breathing. She yanked him closer to the other vehicle and opened the door. She propped his legs up, hooking his knees on the floorboards, hoping to slow blood flow to them, keeping it near his heart, hoping she was remembering right about how to treat shock.

She got back into the car, pulling her niece into her lap, just holding her. She couldn't make her mouth move. She jumped when Willow laid a hand on her arm. Her friend seemed too exhausted to even stand and she wondered if Willow had actually flown down off the mountain.

"We're going to tell the cops that it was a murder-suicide. Ethan threw Eve off the cliff then stabbed Connor when Connor tried to stop him. Then Ethan jumped himself. We were all friends out for a camping trip that went wrong," Willow said.

Buffy nodded. "Thanks. Connor?"

Willow looked over at the other rental. "I don't know. Oh, there's the ambulance."

Buffy got out as the police and ambulance arrived. She and Willow told their story, told the police where to find the rest of their friends and watched as the ambulance spirited Connor away. She wanted them to take Sorcha, too, to make sure she was all right but didn't know how to fit it into the lie. Sorcha just clung to her silently and Buffy had to trust she was okay. She told the police what little she knew, pretending she and her niece hadn't actually witnessed it. Told a lie about the two Good Samaritans who carried Connor down the cliff and disappeared before the cops arrived while Willow relaid that through her telepathy spell to those on the mountain. It was the only thing that made sense as to why none of them had Connor's blood on them but her.

The cops made Willow take them up the mountain and let Buffy take her niece home. Buffy gave Justine's address as a friend she was staying with then strapped Sorcha into the back seat the best she could without a car seat, grateful the cops had bigger things to worry about than noticing her lack of child restraint. She drove for Hot Springs as Sorcha snoozed. The vampires in her cargo area were spookily silent and Buffy could only imagine Angel's pain and fear wondering if Connor was still alive. She felt it herself.


	10. New Beginnings

__CHAPTER TEN

Author's Note - Thanks for reading. This has become a series (see end notes) so feel free to find more stories in the series and thanks to everyone who's feedback helped shape the story you know who you are and as for my WIP's don't give up yet. This story was 'done' two months ago and it took me this long to polish it if that tells you how little time I have right now. Nothing has been abandoned just sadly delayed.

THANKS

D.

Angel hated his life at times. He had to spend the day holed up in Justine's home with Spike hiding from the sunlight when all he really wanted was to be at Black Hills Regional hospital with his son. Buffy had driven them to Justine's and he and Spike had scurried inside before they burst into flames. Buffy had called the hospital only to find Connor was in surgery.

None of them knew what that had meant at the time other than he was alive. Buffy had washed up Sorcha, tended her cuts and bruises and fed her. Seeing her niece looked more or less whole, if exhausted, Buffy decided the girl didn't need to go to the ER where they would have to explain her injuries which would heal at an accelerated rate as it was. When Sorcha refused to go upstairs, Buffy put Sorcha to bed on the couch with the buffalo she wouldn't let go of. Angel wanted to go back up the cliff and kill Ethan and Eve all over again when Buffy told him they had been holding Sorcha captive upstairs with dog collars and cuffs.

When Buffy called the hospital a second time, Connor had been moved to a room and was receiving another transfusion. Angel wished he knew what to expect. Connor wasn't entirely human but if getting human blood was hurting him, it would already have happened...he thought so at any rate. Connor healed like a vampire. What would happen now that he was full of stitches? Angel wanted to talk to Giles or Wes about it but Giles was overseas and Wes was still hung up with the police in Custer.

They tried to get some rest. Buffy refused to leave Sorcha alone so she took a pillow and a blanket and went into the living room. Both he and Spike wanted her to take the bed and get some real sleep but they couldn't go into the living room. Too many windows and a sliding glass door with only sheers over them. Spike had surprisingly graciously allowed him to have the bed but Angel almost wished he hadn't. The scent of Justine rising up from it infuriated him even as he fought to sleep.

Finally the others arrived back at Justine's, bringing her dog with them. Buffy immediately took the SUV, Gunn and Wesley and headed for the hospital. Angel knew she probably would rather have had Willow at her side but the witch was exhausted. He gave her the bed and joined Spike on the floor, bored out of his mind. It had been a long time since he had been in a house where he couldn't move about freely. He had forgotten how terrible it was to be extremely photosensitive. It didn't help matters that the dog wanted to sleep with him. He wasn't used to pets.

He knew he must have been driving everyone nuts since Spike and Lindsey hustled him out to the SUV the moment the sun went down. Cordy and Willow put Sorcha in the back seat, Willow strapping the child in with the same magical webbing Ethan had used to pin Connor to the ceiling. Sorcha still had her buffalo. They ignored every speed limit heading back to Rapid City and the hospital. Angel knew it probably wouldn't be a good thing to take Sorcha there but he reasoned, Willow or Cordy could keep her busy in the waiting room while he made sure with his own eyes that his son was alive.

He went by himself to Connor's room. Buffy, Wes and Gunn were there as was both a doctor and a nurse. The doctor looked perturbed as Connor, sitting on the bed, signed paperwork.

"This is a very dangerous thing you're doing," the doctor said as she did her best to check Connor's wound. "You belong in the hospital."

"You can't make me stay," Connor said, as the nurse flipped another page for him to sign.

The doctor stepped back. "You're right, I can't, but I want you to know the risks you're taking."

Connor sighed. "You've explained it all several times now."

"What's going on?" Angel asked Buffy quietly.

"He's checking himself out against medical advice," Buffy whispered.

"It's probably for the best," Wes said, taking Angel's arm, leading him out of the room. He added in a low voice, "When the nurse changed the dressing, the stitches were already backing out. The wound is sealing itself and rejecting the proline."

"I was afraid of that but will he be all right?" Angel glanced back at that room.

Wes nodded. "I would imagine so. He has an amazing healing system. As soon as he's done signing off that neither he nor any of us will sue the hospital should something happen to him for leaving too early, we should be able to just take him and go."

Angel went back into the room, nearly running over the doctor as she left, a disgusted look on her face. The nurse followed her, the ream of paper in hand. Buffy and Gunn were helping Connor to stand. Angel bumped Gunn out of the way, taking his place. "You shouldn't be walking, Connor."

"They want to ride me out of here in a wheel chair," Connor groaned.

"Maybe you ought to let them," Angel suggested.

Connor shook his head, turning gray as he did. Angel thought for a moment his son was going to vomit. "Not leaving just yet. Let me go, I can walk."

Angel took away his supporting arm, shocked that Connor didn't fall down. They all vacated the room before the nurse could return with the wheelchair. Angel led the way back to the waiting room and saw Connor's face brighten when he saw his daughter. Sorcha broke free of Spike's protective grip and ran over but she stopped before tossing her arms around Connor's legs. She looked up, her eyes huge with worry.

"Daddy sick?" Her lip trembled.

"Daddy's hurt a little," Connor said. "It'll be okay, baby." He tried to hunker down to her but didn't get far, grabbing at his side.

Angel scooped up Sorcha and brought her up to Connor's level. She leaned in and gave Connor's cheek a kiss. "Okay, let's go," the vampire said.

Connor nodded but instead of hitting the down button on the elevator he hit up.

"Um, Connor, the parking lot is down," Buffy said.

"I know."

The group just let Connor lead. Angel wished he knew what was going on but as they got off on the fourth floor and started down a hallway, he realized what Connor was doing. He caught a whiff of a familiar scent. He hadn't even thought to find out if Justine was still alive. He and Buffy followed Connor after he handed Sorcha over to Willow.

Justine looked awful. Her eyes were so swollen he wasn't sure she could see out of them. Both legs were suspended from the bed, pins and metallic halos ran the length of them from knee to ankle. There was something grotesque about seeing flesh so swelled, red and violated by metal. One of her arms was in a cast. Her eyes opened just a bit as Connor walked to her side.

"I knew you'd come," she said. "I didn't know, Connor...what they were going to do. I would never have said yes."

"I know," Connor said and Angel realized his son believed that. He might actually be seeing Justine as a victim, too. He felt Buffy's hand gripping his arm as if she was afraid he might just go and finish Justine off. He was considering it.

"Is she safe?" Justine asked.

"She's safe. Eve and Ethan are dead," Connor said, flatly.

Justine smiled. "Good...left me for dead. Might still get their wish."

Connor's gaze swept over her. "You'll be all right. The doctors are fixing you."

"Things can go wrong...may never walk again." Justine's fingers fumbled for the button to her morphine pump. "Howl...my dog?"

"We have her back at your place," Buffy said. Angel was surprised at the evenness of Buffy's voice. "She's okay."

"Good." Justine's eyes fluttered and Angel though she was going to pass out.

"Why did you do it?" Connor asked.

"To get him." Justine's chin tilted a bit to indicate Angel. "Before he got me. I had no idea....I care about you, Connor. I never would have hurt you...hurt a kid. I like kids."

Angel wanted to point out she had no problem murdering to get what she wanted but he knew Connor wouldn't appreciate it and Justine honestly sounded regretful. "I wouldn't have come for you, Justine. I was happy enough to leave it as you stay out of my life and I'll stay out of yours."

She laughed harshly then moaned in pain. "I almost believe that."

"It's true. He wouldn't have come for you," Connor said. "He won't, especially if I tell him not to."

Angel was surprised at that. He didn't understand why Connor would protect her nor why his son thought he had any control over Angel, but he was probably right.

"I was trying to bring her back to you," Justine said. "I would have met you somewhere safe...like Utah."

"At the ranch Father told me about," Connor said and it clarified things for Angel. Connor had told him about how Holtz always told him about living in Utah on a ranch with Justine as his surrogate mother. He knew, even though Connor knew the truth, he couldn't admit it to himself that Justine helped Holtz to die, that to them it was all about revenge and not Connor's well being.

"Sorry I couldn't do it. You better go, Connor. You look like a ghost." Justine said. "Look out for my dog for me."

"I can do that," Lindsey said, coming into the room. Angel stared at him in shock. "I'm in no rush to get back home."

"Are you Lindsey?" Justine asked.

He nodded. "I'm partially responsible for this mess you're in. I can stay for a while, until you're stronger."

"Thanks."

Angel didn't like this but he knew it wasn't his choice unless he wanted to get physical and it just wasn't the place for it. He turned, hearing feet running up behind him. Sorcha burst into the room with Willow right behind her.

"Sorcha, honey, you can't be in here," Buffy said, trying to shoo her out.

Sorcha scooted past her and went by her father at Justine's side. She looked at the woman then put the buffalo in the bed with her. "The bad people hurt you."

"I'm just glad they didn't hurt you," Justine said. She tried to reach for Sorcha but couldn't make it.

"Sorcha, we have to go now," Buffy said, picking her up.

Justine held up the buffalo. "She can keep it."

"It'll make you happy now," Sorcha said.

"It will if you take it," Justine said and Sorcha leaned down, taking the buffalo.

Connor took a notepad off the end table and scribbled on it. "My email. I'll give it to Lindsey. You can talk to me when you're stronger."

"You'd want me to?" Justine sounded as surprised as Angel felt.

Connor nodded. "Yes. I have to go now." Connor moved past Angel and nearly stumbled. This time he let Angel support him. They picked up the rest of their friends as they moved toward the elevator. "You're angry."

"I don't think you should have done that," Angel replied.

Connor shrugged. "I know. My choice."

"I guess it is," Angel conceded. He wasn't going to get into it with Connor now. He'd save it for later. "Now what?"

"We've reserved rooms here in town," Wes said.

"After we get a good night's sleep, my jet will take us home," Gunn said. "Of course, you and Spike probably should get to the jet before dawn."

"I'll rent a car and go back to Justine's tomorrow, do what I said I would," Lindsey said.

Angel nodded. "Thanks for your help, Lindsey. I know you didn't have to do it and I'm grateful. We might never have narrowed down the search without you."

"I'm glad I could help. Whatever's happened between you and me, Angel, is in the past." The smaller man shifted uncomfortably. "Like I said, I couldn't let them hurt a kid."

Angel just nodded again, too weary to come up with something more profound. He had slept half the day but he felt like he could sleep for a week. He contented himself with having his family and friends safe and at his side.

With Willow giggling softly behind her, Buffy clicked three pictures before the sound of Wes' digital camera woke Angel. She couldn't help herself. The scene had been just too precious. They had been back in L.A. for a day and Connor was still sleeping more than he was awake as his body tried to combat exhaustion and blood loss as well as healing the terrible wound Eve had inflicted. He had sacked out on the couch with the first three Harry Potter movies on DVD. They had been in the bundle of DVD's they had brought with them for Sorcha.

Originally Buffy hadn't wanted her to see those movies, thinking they might be a tad scary for the girl, but she had snuck down one night while Xander and Willow had been watching them and loved it so it was decided they were okay for Sorcha. Ditto for _Indiana Jones, Ghostbusters _and _Tremors_. Sorcha was too young to catch the adult stuff and so used to magic and demons that it didn't scare her. Buffy had put the Potter movies in the DVD player for Connor, figuring while he was trapped on the couch he deserved something less mind-rotting than _The Tweenies_ or any of the other kid show they had for Sorcha. At the moment, most of the Disney stuff they had brought was hidden in her room, out of sight out of mind. Buffy hadn't realized how many kid movies were about kidnaped or lost kids; _101 Dalmatians, Finding Nemo, Ice Age_, _Monsters Inc_. She just didn't think Sorcha was ready to see that sort of thing, even though her niece seemed to be adjusting just fine to being back home.

Currently, she was curled up on the couch, tucked up against her father and had been watching the tv at some point before falling asleep. Connor's arm was draped around her as he drowsed, his feet on the pillow that was in Angel's lap. The vampire, collapsed against the arm of the couch was also asleep, not surprising given it was still a little before sunset. Seeing three generations together, all of them looking innocent in their slumber in spite of the impishness she knew they all had hard-wired into them, Buffy had to take pictures. When Angel finally opened his eyes, she smiled at him.

"What are you doing?" he asked quietly.

"It was too cute for words," Buffy said then handed the camera off to Willow. She went over and picked up the pillow and Connor's feet, then slid onto Angel's lap. She settled Connor's long, slender, bare feet on her on lap. He shifted a little, mumbling in his sleep but didn't appear to wake up. Sorcha's eyes fluttered open a bit so Buffy hit play and started the trilogy all over again. "Smile for the camera, Angel."

"I don't photograph well."

"A little late to worry about that." Buffy rested her head against his shoulder and Willow snapped a few more pictures. Buffy kissed Angel softly. "Besides we could use some sweet pictures for the photo album."

"If you say so." Angel kissed her back.

"You two probably want to be alone, Buffy." With a knowing smile, Willow put the camera on the table for them. "Or sort of alone." She shrugged sheepishly then headed out.

"I think the Harry Potter music is driving me nuts," Connor mumbled without opening his eyes.

"I thought you were asleep," Buffy said.

"You touched me."

"Sorry." She tickled his bare foot and he squirmed.

"Stop that. No fair picking on the wounded guy." Connor's blue eyes opened, giving her a sour look.

"Can't help it. I'm still working on how a little guy like you got such big hands and feet." She ticked his instep.

"Buffy, if he kicks you, don't come crying to me," Angel said, moving the pillow and his son's feet off her lap. Connor curled up more, pressing his feet into Angel's thigh.

"Daddy doesn't kick." Sorcha gave Angel a knowing look.

"Sometimes he does, if he's being bad," Connor said, playing with her curls as they fell over her shoulder. "You want to watch the movie again, Sorcha?"

"_Van Helsing?"_ Sorcha smiled.

"No," Connor said. "That just might be an end to me at this point."

"There's a movie about him?" Angel's brow beetled.

"You need to get more with pop culture. It's a great bad movie," Buffy told him.

"Isn't that a contradiction?"

"Not necessarily," she replied brightly.

"Sorcha thinks it's funny. Buffy just likes it so she can pant over Hugh Jackman," Connor said.

Angel eyed her sourly. "Really?"

Buffy patted his head. "We all like the movie but Connor."

"Yeah, it's wonderful watching that movie with her, Faith and Willow. Oooo, Hugh, he's so damn sexy," Connor fawned, clasping his hands in front of his chest doing a passable imitation of Buffy's voice. She pinched him.

"I see. So why don't you like it?" Angel asked.

"I just don't."

"Because the whole movie hinges on Dracula trying to have kids." Buffy smirked. "And as it turns out the offspring of two vampires are little gargoyle things with wings and a tail and Connor can't see the humor in that."

Angel snorted then shot his son an apologetic look. "I'll have to see this."

"Later. We really don't like Sorcha seeing that movie," Buffy said.

"That's because of all the nasty dirty talk you, Willow and Faith are doing while watching it," Connor grouched.

She pinched him again. "Pick another movie, Sorcha."

"_Ice Age_?" she asked.

"Sorry, baby. We forgot that one. Watch Harry again," Buffy said and Sorcha nodded. She slipped off the couch and got Fizz, Doodles and Tatanka, the buffalo she refused to part with, and played in front of the tv with them.

"_Ice Age_?" Angel asked.

"Funny movie," Connor said. "But it has a little kid who gets separated from his daddy. We figured it's too soon for that."

"You and I can see it later," Buffy said. "All of us can watch it."

"It's more fun in a group," Connor said, grinning as he bobbed his head. "Then you can see the resemblances."

"What are you talking about?" Angel's eyebrows raised.

"It's uncanny. You, Spike and Xander are in this movie," Buffy said. "Or at least characters that act like you."

"Spike's the saber tooth tiger, Xander's the giant sloth and you're the wooly mammoth." Connor shifted on the couch.

"Wait? Spike gets to be a tiger and I'm a mammoth?" Angel pouted. "Are you trying to say I'm fat?"

"Been wondering how you get that big just eating blood." Connor grinned one of his maniacal grins.

"I'm muscular, not fat, and at least I eat. I'm not sure I've ever seen you actually consume anything," Angel grumbled and Connor snickered.

"That's pretty much the same argument the Mammoth has in the movie," Buffy said and Angel rolled his eyes. "I think you look just fine. We don't have to worry about tying you down in high winds like we do Connor."

"That's 'cause he weighs as much as a Mammoth," Connor said.

"I see someone's feeling better." Angel patted his son's legs.

"He's in a good mood, Angel, don't spoil it," Buffy said, kissing him again lightly then more earnestly.

"Ewww, stop that or go get a room or something," Connor moaned.

"Why don't you watch the movie, Connor," Buffy said, pausing only briefly in her kissing.

"Remember how you felt when you saw Giles kissing that Watcher in Wales," Connor said and Buffy made a face. "Now you know how I feel."

"He might have a point," Buffy said, seeing Sorcha was more interested in watching her and Angel than she was in playing or watching Harry Potter.

"It's almost dark. Why doesn't the mammoth take you somewhere nice, pretend he eats dinner and you go back to the hotel for the night so I don't have to hear anything gross." Connor squirmed some more.

"Because you need me here," Buffy said, but she liked the idea far too much.

"No, I don't. Sorcha and I are fine. Willow and Wes are here. One phone call and Gunn, Lorne, Spike and Cordy can be here. No one wants to hear, see or smell you two, so go away." Connor shut his eyes.

"Are you sure, son?" Angel looked over at him.

"I'm sure. Willow can help me get Sorcha some dinner. Her bed time is in an hour or so. I'm ready to turn in myself. I think we can survive until morning."

Buffy wanted to argue. The last time she and Angel went out for the night, Sorcha was kidnaped. Of course the kidnappers were dead and what was the chance of lightning hitting twice? She got up and took Angel's hand. "He had some nice ideas in there in the midst of being grossed out by us."

"I think something can be arranged," Angel said, standing up.

Sorcha bounced over to him. "Going away?"

"Just for a little while." Angel hunkered down to her level. "You get to watch your daddy and make sure he behaves himself, okay, sweetie?"

She grinned and pounced on the couch. "I'll make sure."

"Good girl," Angel said, ruffling her curls. "Just be warned, your daddy is a handful."

Sorcha patted Connor's knees. "Aunt Buffy says so."

"I say that about you, you little imp." Buffy dropped a kiss on Sorcha's crown. "But I'm sure it goes for him, too."

Connor gave her the hairy eye. "I've got something you can kiss, too, Buffy."

"He'll enjoy it too much," Angel said.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Buffy replied, wide eyed.

"Sorcha, they're making fun of Daddy." Connor tapped his daughter's hand.

Sorcha stood on the couch, shoving her hands into her hips, glaring at Buffy and Angel. "No making fun."

Angel laughed. "Okay, sweetie. You have Buffy's phone number, Connor. You call if there's trouble."

"I will."

"And Sorcha, honey, remember Daddy has a bad tummy so no rough housing," Buffy cautioned then caught Angel's hand, yanking him toward his side of the house. She insisted on a change of clothing, something glitzier and more appropriate for the night life.

Angel surprised her, after the dinner, with taking her to Johnny Depp's The Viper Room. As per usual the club was packed with beautiful people. They stayed for a while, buying over-priced drinks dancing to the alt rock. Well, Buffy danced. Angel watched, until the main room was taken over by Hunter Thompson for a reading. Buffy didn't know him and didn't like what she heard so was more than happy to call it a night. Before they left though, she was fairly certain she saw at least three movie stars in the place.

They strolled through Hollywood for a while, just soaking up being with each other, being happy, loving everyone being safe and no threats looming on the horizon. Finally they went back to the Hyperion. Buffy had been a little frightened to get into bed with Angel this time. He was too content at the moment but he assured her there was still a sea of worry inside him.

If there was, she couldn't tell it in his gentle lovemaking but when they lay together afterward, there was no soul ripping pain. Angel remained Angel and she was happy enough for the both of them. He led her out of bed, still naked, and took her to the roof which had been transformed into a garden. He laid her down in the grass and they looked up at the stars together.

"This is so beautiful," she said, letting her body relax.

"You could stay you know," he said, rubbing a hand over her belly.

"Angel."

He moved his hand to her lips. "Shhh, we're not going to talk about it now. There's no rush. You have all the time in the world to think about what you want. In the meantime, I'll be joining you for a while in England. I haven't been there in so long. That is, of course, if you guys want me to go with you."

Buffy rolled up on one elbow looking down at him. "Of course I want you to."

"Good then I'll talk to Connor and make sure it won't make him weird...er," Angel grimaced. "You know what I mean."

"I know." Her face went contemplative. "Are you serious about me coming here?"

He reached up and stroked her neck. "Of course. There's a Watcher's Complex here. Wes could use an experienced Slayer. Or if not here, there's Cleveland or New York. Hey, I hear Wisconsin's nice and I've always liked Las Vegas. Or maybe we could all go to Ireland for a while. There's a lot of demon activity there to keep you busy." He smiled.

"Why am I hearing you saying 'anywhere but England'?" Buffy's eyes widened. "Oh lord, it bothers you, doesn't it, that Sorcha has an English accent?"

Angel made a palm's up gesture. "I know it's wrong. I know it's silly. It bugs the hell out of me that my Irish grandchild has a London accent."

Buffy shook her head then kissed him. "You are silly. But who knows what will happen. We'll just play it by ear for now."

His arms encircled her, pulling her down on top of him. "I can live with that."

"Good, because right now I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be." Buffy rolled him so he was on top and she could see the heavens above him. She couldn't think of a more perfect finish for what had been a very difficult trip even without what had happened to Sorcha. It ended better than she had dreamed and for the first time in a long time she felt like she was soaring among the stars she saw over her lover's shoulders.

THE BOX OF CRAYONS SERIES

This story (along with the prequel, Walk a Mile in Sorrow) has evolved into a series only partially written by me. If you'd like to see others in this series head to http:www.geekgirlz-r.us/dana/danalist.html which is part of my site and scroll down to the Box of Crayon series (none in this series are NC-17 but others on this page are so if you're not old enough, just don't read them) Feel free to leave feedback there too and enjoy 


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